I Can't Hear You When You're Whining

I said this to my son yesterday.As a Mom, I probably said this to my son many times when he was younger.You know us moms, we try to keep the whining to a minimum.

 The truth is, he has every right to whine these days.Yes, his health is stabilized,but still he is not healthy--and won't ever be again.Life is hard for him in ways he really hasn't come to grips with yet. 

This person with autism, who can't stand to be touched has to allow his nurse mom to help him with his medical needs dozens of times a day. He has to tolerate what is to him intolerable, and he must be forgiven for the times that makes him cranky and whiny.

And so when I told him "I can't hear you when you whine" I apologized. If anyone deserves a whine or two it is him.

I was thinking about this last night as I was stressing about some things and it dawned on me (not for the first time) that I stop engaging when my life is hard.I think I figure no one can hear me if I whine, and I really try not to.


In case you haven't noticed,when I get down and out I tend to get quiet. The thing is, if your life is hard you don't have much else to talk about--and you figure nobody wants to hear it anyway.

Sometimes, you can feel so very alone. It doesn't matter if you are surrounded by people, you feel alone. If you are not surrounded by people the alone-ness can become loneliness, and you long for the company of another person, the art of conversation. But, sometimes life is just one hard thing after another and the only thing you can think about sounds whiny, so you just stop talking.

One of my 'friends' messaged me that they would be unfriending me because I was 'whining about being poor again.' 

On the other hand, I have  an amazingly generous friend who regularly  sends me  money when I post about our troubles.Which is always timely and always appreciated,but sometimes I just want to vent and I don't because I feel bad about the appearance of being so damn needy.


I have wonderful friends--thanks to the internet. I rarely see people in real life, but I can power up the computer and there you are.

I realized recently I have been censoring myself a lot. I stopped posting political stuff a couple of years ago because I have friends from all ends of the political spectrum, and I don't want to lose anyone. So,my facebook became just a place to be friends. I do have an outlet for my political views, and I cherish that outlet also.
So,if I am lonely and stressed, I may have to whine about it. I need to stop letting the problems isolate me...and that is something that dawned on me in the middle of the night. I am feeling isolated,and it is mostly my own fault. Because I have people with empathy in my life,and I need to trust that more.

Truth is I can hear my son when he whines, and my friends can hear me when I whine,but it's me--I can hear me when I whine,and is not who I want to be, or enjoy being.

I used to be someone who was positive and optimistic.I used to be able to use words to encourage and as Einstein said "ignite the flame in others". I like me when I am able to do that. I don't like me when I am tired and cranky and needy and whiny--and I think I assume no one else does either.

It is hard when you are struggling with the day to day stresses of life sometimes to remember that you have something to give back to the world. It is all to easy to get wrapped up in the struggles and forget that you weren't always old, and poor, and in pain.It is all too easy to start thinking you have nothing to give back to the world, and feeling useless makes me whiny. And unfortunately I CAN hear when I am whining.

So, I am sorry I get so quiet. It is not any of you,my dear ones, it is me. 

My son may or may not be whiny today. I never know. But I do know he will at some point me me laugh. At some point make me proud. At some point make me think how blessed I am that he is still alive and I can hear him.

So, that is his gift to me. I realize that I am alive, and if I would stop isolating myself there are wonderful friends who can hear me.

I'll try harder.


Peace and Blessings,

EB



P.S. I dislike doing this but there is a paypal button over there,just in case. I told a friend once who was embarrassed about asking for help that if we don't make our needs known how does anyone ever know we have needs.The William and I are struggling,and just as embarrassed I am pointing out the button.We are continually blessed.