perspective--little things that are big things

You know, sometimes you can get so caught up in the stresses of life that you miss the little things that are a reminder that you are truly blessed. 

Yes, life is difficult sometimes. You get behind and there is just no way to ever get caught back up. Honestly, for many of us, we no longer have hopes or dreams of getting ahead, it's breaking even that stays just out of our reach, and wears you down. BUT, even in the midst of that, it seems there is always something that will bring you back to the reality that life is a good thing.

I admit I have been struggling with depression again. It's just hard to be behind all of the time, and every now and then I give in to wallowing. 

But the good thing is I know I have good friends,and I hope I have value to the world. 

So, you go along wallowing and then the littlest thing can make you snap to.

My son is autistic. He has never said the words I Love You to me. But, he does things that let me know. At my  infant sons christening I asked Most High to help me make sure that my son would experience the magic of childhood. The answer was the gift of autism. The most amazing blend of special needs, genius, and faith that is my son. My son believes that God will always provide, and that whenever we meet a challenge, Mom can find the answer. My son trusts me to help him learn to navigate a world he has trouble understanding.

But, even knowing all of that, sometimes I just wish he could tell me he loves me. AND THEN, he does.

Well, he doesn't use words. He does things like bake cookies, or carry all of the groceries in from the car, or opens a tight jar lid. Or the one I noticed recently is the TV.

 I only watch one show that he doesn't watch, and I admit, I always have to ask him what channel somethings on if I am the one with their remote in my hand. But, the last couple of weeks, as I get ready to watch TV on Monday night (yes, I admit to loving dancing With the Stars) I have noticed that no matter what channel we were watching earlier in the day the TV is already on the correct channel for my show. It is such a tiny little thing, but it shows me my son cares. He loves me. 

Well, either that or he doesn't want to hear me ask "What channel number is ABC."I am choosing to believe he loves me. It's the perspective I embrace today.

Peace and Blessings,
EB

p.s. I dislike doing this but there is a paypal button over there, just in case. I told a friend who was embarrassed about asking for help that if we don't make our needs known how does anyone ever know we have needs. So, just as embarrassed, I am pointing out the button. Blessings.

Step Away from The peaches

So, if you read my Father's Day post where I looked up the origin of the colloquialism "nuttier than a peach orchard boar." You will get it when I say, some folks seem to get in the peaches more often than is good for them.

Honestly, now that we can all be connected with strangers on the internet in facebook groups and on message boards it seems like the ones that have been in the peaches are getting more prevalent. Probably not, but in the old days we just didn't seem to run into them as often.

I've been using this quote a lot...

"Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted."~~Ralph Waldo Emerson


Now, I love social media. I don't get out of the house much, and the computer gives me the means to interact with people every day. In fact, the  computer has been to the repair shop recently, and we are hoping to be able to save up money to replace it as its days are definitely numbered. One of the main problems with being poor is not being able to replace things when they break. :(
 But, I digress.

Where did all the crazy people come from?

A weight loss group I belong to on facebook got a new member yesterday. She's a bit overeager, and apparently if you have a different opinion than her you are picking on her. She messaged me this morning to tell me that since she once weighed 500 pounds she was more of an expert on being overweight than the rest of the group. I messaged back that she wasn't more of an expert on being overweight, she was just an expert on her experience-that from what she wrote my experience of weighing 500 pounds was totally different than hers, but that's OK. Her response was "P*ss the f*ck off."

Seriously. Made me laugh, then made me sad.I belong to several different groups in order to get more than one viewpoint on a subject. Different opinions are just that, different, and I like thinking about things from different angles.

So, as one who depends on online communities, let me give some advice. I am not an expert on anything-just my opinion.

When you join a group or community, hang around a bit and get a feel for the way the community talks to each other. One of the boards I participate on is full of amazing wit, sarcasm, and tough love. Another is very spiritual. If i jumped in without seeing that it would probably not be conducive to becoming part of the community.

Don't complain about another community in this one. Honestly, it just makes you look petty and childish.

Participate. Sharing your experience of life is what community is all about. Common interests can be great fun. Holding yourself out as an expert however, doesn't usually end well. If my experience is different than yours that in no way invalidates yours.

Stop trying to impress. If you only join a community in order to impress people, you might need to look at why you feel the need for validation from complete strangers. In every community I participate in there are people from all walks of life. It may be difficult to impress a community that contains some very accomplished people. Usually there are posters from SAHM to CEO, teachers, retail clerks, doctors, lawyers-GED to PhD. That is one of the beauties of online communities. The opportunity to interact with a diverse group of people.

Don't engage. Once you have determined that you are dealing with someone who gets in the peaches, step away. Engaging will just take your time,and will unfortunately fuel their narcissistic personalities. You can't support or encourage them in anyway that won't fuel that, and that is sad because most of us who participate in online communities really do want to help.

Cyber friends are some of the best friends I have ever had. I have met many people via online communities. I am nurtured, supported, encouraged on a daily basis online.

But, every now and then I still have to step back and chuckle as I think "What the heck is wrong with you. Step away from the peaches!"

Peace and Blessings,




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Just needed to remind myself

The quote for today is...

Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems.~~Bill Watterson~~

Sometimes when we get a problem in our life we worry that sucker to death. We look at it, and dissect it, and second guess it. Sometimes we make elaborate plans to deal with it. Sometimes we decide to ignore it, and we have to construct wieldy ways of pretending it just isn't there. Like the elephant in the living room, we have to find ways to live around it without acknowledging it. We spend tons and tons of energy without accomplishing anything. Sometimes we just try to hard. Perhaps we need to let our mind just relax, and play for a while. This is not denying a problem, we are aware that there is a problem, we are just allowing our self a time of relaxation, so that we can come back to the problem with renewed energy. Sometimes when we allow ourselves to relax a bit, and we all know this is true, the answer comes to us, seemingly out of the blue. Perhaps, out of the blue, is just us having let go long enough that our higher power could get the message through. Sometimes when we are in crisis worry mode, we make so many plans in our own power, that the answers we have been praying for can't get through. Our Higher Power is calling us, but the line is busy, our inbox is full.

So, no matter what is going on is your life, always, always remember that taking time to relax and take care of yourself is not a selfish act. It is a necessary act for your good and the good of those you love. If I didn't spend my hours meditating and praying, my life would be much more complicated. And we all know my life is way too complicated as it is! So here is to letting go for a few minutes today. Let your mind play, let your spirit relax so that you are able to make the best choices you can from a place of renewed energy. Choose to let go for awhile, it's a good choice.

Peace and Blessings,
EB

p.s. the donate button is to the right, I hate saying that, but you never ever know.

Empathy

When did we lose the ability to empathize with people?

Last month when the weather should have been spring like, and we were still in the grip of what felt like Narnia winter I posted on facebook what I thought was a joke about being behind on the gas bill...

Dear Mother Nature,
It's the middle of MAY-I don't care how many shares of Missouri Gas Energy you have in your retirement portfolio-I am NOT turning the heat on today. 
Sincerely,
Shivering under a quilt

Dear Mother Nature,
It's May 16. 36 degrees and a frost advisory, seriously? I'll need to find a corner and a cardboard sign to ever catch up on funding your retirement.
Signed,
Shivering

One of my 'friends' messaged me that they would be unfriending me because I was 'whining about being poor again.' Granted, I am not always as funny as I think I am, but 'unfriend' me for a couple of jokes about the weather?

Recently, on a message board I frequent a woman who is being treated for breast cancer vented about the paperwork needed to apply for medical financial assistance, and another poster went off on her. How dare she whine about wanting charity. She called her an ingrate and churlish. Seriously. Of course in the resulting conversation we find out that the one calling the cancer patient out had received 'financial assistance' in the past. So, for her it was 'financial assistance', but for someone else it was 'charity'.

So how did we get to the place where I can't joke about the weather or my financial problems without being considered a whiner, or a cancer patient can't vent without being shamed for needing help?

"Empathy is really the opposite of spiritual meanness. It's the capacity to understand that every war is both won and lost. And that someone else's pain is as meaningful as your own."~~Barbara Kingsolver

Empathy goes many directions. When we lose the ability to empathize, we not only lose the ability to understand and share when people are having hard times, we lose the ability to be joyful when they are being blessed. And I think that, leads to what Barbara Kingsolver describes as spiritual meanness.

So, do I need to not make jokes about my hard times? A sense of humor (and some awesome friends) helps me get through the days. Do we need to censor and not share our frustrations for fear that some else in our community has lost the ability to empathize? That won't work for me.

What will work for me is to remind myself and others that even though life is hard, I will get caught up some day because my list of blessings is longer than my list of troubles-even on days I can't see that.

So, I am sorry to have lost a friend. I wish I could have taught her to laugh with me. Because the truth is being behind on the gas bill, or having a really bare pantry because money is tight may be a problem. But, losing the ability to empathize is a far worse affliction.

The truth is in that old saying...Shared joy is joy doubled. Shared sorrow is sorrow halved. THAT is empathy in a nutshell!

Peace and Blessings,
EB

The Balm Dealio!!

So, the other day on a message board I visit, someone called out to tell me "Can I just say that you rock?" I really hadn't done anything special, just share some thoughts, but this person appreciated them enough to let me know. I thanked her nicely, and said "Kind words are a balm." Which prompted the phrase "The Balm Dealio" from another poster. All very life affirming, and for someone who is struggling with so much-health, finances, etc.-a welcome balm.

A balm is usually defined as a fragrant ointment or preparation used to heal or soothe the skin. But, so many times our healing needs are more than skin deep, and so it seems to me, that words-which can reach our mind and spirit can indeed be used as a balm. In this day and age where all too many feel the need to use negative words, it is always a welcome balm to receive positive thoughts.

Today's quote...
The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated.
--William James

Everyone has this need. No matter what we do we need someone to notice. We don't need some big parade (but wouldn't that be fun) we don't need to win awards (but there is a space on the shelf for them) we don't need billboards on the highway. We just need someone to say they noticed, or say thank you once in a while. The best way to attract this to your life is to practice this with others. Try it, you will be amazed at the response you get. If a coworker does something for you, say thank you, I appreciate that. If you are standing in the line at the grocery store and you see someone wearing a fabulous pin, say something. I guarantee you will receive a smile in return, and someone will say thank you to you.They may just say Thank you, but what they will really mean is thank you for noticing, thank you for appreciating my taste in jewelry. It will make them feel better, and you will feel appreciated in return. Most importantly, look in the mirror and say thank you to yourself. Appreciate who you are. Appreciate the choices you are making to become healthier. Appreciate the choices you are learning to make to become stronger. Appreciate that there isn't another person on the earth like you . You are unique. Unique in your experiences, unique in your talents, unique in your infinite possibilities. Appreciate that. Say thank you to yourself by making the best choices you can in this moment. Do something spectacular for yourself, no one deserves it more.

So to everyone who reads my thoughts, I appreciate you more than you can know. You are my rock stars, and THAT is indeed the Balm Dealio!!!

Peace and Blessings,

EB

Overheard

My son is in his room, playing video games, and apparently has hit a difficult level. So, what do I hear from him? Do I hear "I'll never get this" or "I screwed up" or "This is too hard"?

NOPE.

I hear, "I am capable." Then I hear "I can do this, I am capable".

Isn't this a great lesson for life?

When things don't go the way we planned, instead of throwing up our hands and getting defeated we should always remember "I am capable".

If we are working on a problem, and encounter an obstacle we should always remember "I can do this. I am capable".

No matter what is happening in your life today, remember to remind yourself often...

I AM CAPABLE!!!



 

Signs of Spring

So, it's the first day of spring. Surprisingly, the weather is spring like (yes, the 's' word is in the forecast on Monday-nut it could change) with 68 degrees and a bit windy. It's about time. It has felt like Narnia around here-and that may be part of why I was busy having a pity- party of one this morning. I'm behind on the gas and electric, because as my son has suggested we think Mother Nature has probably invested her retirement funds in utilities and is gleeful at the huge bills we have racked up this winter.

But, anyway, I was sitting in my kitchen feeling very sorry for myself. It's hard being stressed over things sometimes. So, there i am-having mopped the kitchen, and opening the patio door to let the fresh air in-sitting, feeling decidedly sorry for myself when I look up and see a teeny-tiny little spring miracle.

I have an orange tree in my kitchen. I have been really worried about it living through the winter, the former upstairs neighbors drenched it with bleach water last year,and it looks pretty dead. It is the orange tree my son grew from a seed, so I have kept watering it, watching the branches die, and the few remaining leaves fall. I'm kind of stubborn that way. I honestly felt it was a losing cause, but this is my son's orange tree that should not have grown from that seed anyway.

So, sitting there, feeling sorry for myself, and I look at the tree. The mostly dead, sad looking tree. and there amid the dead branches I see it, new growth. Teeny tiny new leaves, 6 sets in all.

So, thank you universe for adjusting my attitude. I am still worried about money, still worried about a lot of things, but Spring has SPRUNG!!! New leaves have grown, our orange tree hasn't given up yet--and so I guess neither will I.

So, even if it snows on Monday (or like last year in May) I choose to believe in the signs of Spring!!

Never too old to learn

The quote for today...

Youth is the time for the adventure of the body, but age for the triumphs of the mind.~~Logan Pearsall Smith~~

As I contemplate the obstacles and challenges of late middle age, and my mobility has become an issue, I take great pleasure in this quote. I did have amazing adventures in my youth that required me to be physically able. I have done everything I ever wanted to do, been places that I never dreamed I would go. I may not be as able to do things physically, but my mind has never stopped taking me on adventures. As I continue in my journey, it is my mind and spirit that allow me to rise above a body racked with pain and disease and continue to soar and grow and experience. It is my mind and spirit that keep me studying and learning and growing in my journey. The triumph of age is that we are never to old to learn, to seek new adventures of spirit, no matter what is happening with our physical bodies. So, it is important that we take the best care we can of ourselves. Make the healthiest choices we can everyday, so that we can continue in our journey, meeting the challenges of our physical needs in such a way that we will be able to live triumphantly!!

Well, that's what I'm telling myself anyway!!

Peace and Blessings,
EB

It takes a while

So, sometimes when we change things about ourselves, it takes a while for it to soak in to our mind.

I have been sharing about my weight loss. My last post was about my realizing that I had an emotional reaction to the words obese and overweight. I surprised myself. I love when I learn something new about myself.


We can always choose to perceive things differently. You can focus on what's wrong in your life, or you can focus on what's right.~~Marianne Williamson~~

If I were to focus on what's wrong in my life, I would never get out of the bed, in fact, I might be tempted to just end it all! But, there is so much more that is right, that when I focus on that it overrides any pesky little problem. Changing our perception is where the secret lies. If we grew up believing that there was something wrong with us, we have to unlearn  that and replace those thoughts.

It may be hard to believe, but when I look in the mirror I rarely see a difference...no matter how much I weigh or whether I have gained or lost weight. I just don't see much of a difference. Perception is often reality.

Now, even when I weighed 490 pounds, my perception of myself was not negative. I have never considered myself any more or less attractive based on my size. I was blessed to have a great teacher when I was a child that taught me that my self-esteem is not based on my size. I firmly believe that we are not the nu8mbers on a scale and should not measure our worth based on those numbers or the numbers on a clothing tag, I am human and use those numbers as a tool to gauge where I am in my journey. Especially since when I look in a mirror I just don't see me differently.

I am nearing my goal weight. Then of course the real work starts-maintaining that weight and not having to lose this all again. I wish I had learned that lesson 50 years ago!

I will not be successful at dealing with my weight issues because I reach some 'mythical' goal weight. I will be a success when I have learned to be faithful to making the healthiest choices I can make every day. When I have learned to UNLEARN the things that cause me to use food in unhealthy, inappropriate ways.I was never successful in the past because like most of us, I believed the wrong things. When I thought this journey was about NOT eating-when in fact it is about learning to eat well, day after day.

Like I said, it takes a while. But, boy is it ever worth it!

Peace and Blessings,
EB






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Finish Each Day

I have a bad attitude today. That is really unlike me, life is hard, but even though I struggle with depression, that is different than just being in a bad mood. So,needing an attitude adjustment I went looking through the files of things I have written, ands this one from 6 years ago spoke to me today.

So, here it is, letting go of yesterday and concentrarting on today--in other words remembering to live in the moment!!

Today's quote....
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as
soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely
and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.~~ Ralph Waldo Emerson~~

Well, sure seems like that was written just for those of us with weight issues learning to stick with a program. Finish each day and be done with it. Do not let the choices you made yesterday keep you from making the best choices you can today. Having weight issues is not a character flaw. We are not bad people, second class citizens because we sometimes slip up and make wrong choices when it comes to eating. So, if yesterday you slipped into some old habits, it has nothing to do with today. What we are pushing towards is progress, not perfection. All too many of us are perfectionists, all or nothing types, who if we slip off the program for a bit, throw our hands in the air and compound the mistake. We conclude that if we can't be perfect we just might as well not try. One of the most important lessons we need to learn is that when it comes to losing weight, we don't HAVE to be perfect. In fact, if we manage to stay on program three fourths of the time we still end up having lost weight in the long run. So, no matter what yesterday brought, start today with an eager anticipation, not based on "old nonsense" but based on today being a new day!!! Begin it well!!

Peace and Blessings,
EB