One More Year of One Day At A Time

Today is my birthday. Not my belly button birthday, my day I got clean and sober birthday. Today I am celebrating 37 years of sobriety. Celebrating 37 years of choosing to deal with life and all its challenges, obstacles, defeats, and victories without using drugs or alcohol.

I haven't had a drink in 444 months. That is 13,514 days. 

They haven't all been easy, and the last year or two as been harder than you would think since I am an old hand at this.

What a year it has been, my most recent  year of sobriety. Today marks my 37th anniversary of the day I chose to get sober. I have to say the last few months have been some of the most difficult in those 37 years, and that is saying something as my life has very rarely been without difficulty. But, even as I have battled my demons- stress, addiction, depression, illness, etc.- the last few months, I have continued to work on my sobriety.

There have been many times lately when I said to myself out loud "Damn, I need a drink." Fortunately my next thought has been "Stop it, you don't drink."  I am not ashamed  to admit that that next thouhgt comes slowly some days. Sobriety really is one day at a time. For me it is one moment at a time most days.

Why 'One day at a time'?

The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.~~Abraham Lincoln~~

For me that means I need to concentrate on living in the moment. Being present and living in the moment helps to keep me focused on the task at hand. When we live in the moment, one day at a time, we don't have time to become mired in regrets and worries over what happened and how we SHOULD have done. No guilt, no condemnation.Which is not to say that if we hurt someone we should not make amends. It is to say that if we live in the present, the past can no longer hurt us. We can let it go, forgive ourselves and others, and choose to live  for today.Living in the present means that we no longer have to constantly review the past, trying to explain our actions or the actions of others. No more guilt or blaming. Living in the present means that we do not have to worry, assume, obsess about what may happen in the future. If we do that we sometimes project unwarranted negative outcomes to things, when all we really have to do is deal with the outcomes of our actions today, this day.

So, today, this day I will celebrate one more day of sobriety. One more day of hangin' in there, no matter how difficult life has become.

Easy? No, I don't think it is ever easy, but just because a thing is hard to do doesn't make it any less worthwhile. 


Peace and Blessings,
 EB


P.S. I dislike doing this but there is a paypal button over there,just in case. I told a friend once who was embarrassed about asking for help that if we don't make our needs known how does anyone ever know we have needs.The William and I are struggling,and just as embarrassed I am pointing out the button.We are continually blessed.

January Sucks...maybe

T.S. Eliot may have told us April is the cruelest month, but I would love to nominate January for that honor.

It's cold. C-C-C-C-old, and still dark, and my kid only has one of his sports in its  season,thank goodness for hockey--Go Blues-- so he is cranky.

Every time the heat clicks on I cringe,because I know what that is doing to the gas bill--that I am behind on anyway because December choices to give the kid Christmas..

Yep, January sucks.

BUT, wait, as long as I am whining about winter and doubting T.S. Eliot,maybe I should listen to Albert Camus...

“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”― Albert Camus

Well, darn, the fact that I survived this long is supposed to make me happy.

What to do.

Well,I've bitched about other months int he past. 

Heck a few years a go it was August and I wrote this...

It's the week I ran out of money and had to tell my son we couldn't buy groceries. But, he's a trouper, this is how part of the conversation went...

Me: It's hard the last week of the months some months. Sometimes it seems like it takes a while for the universe to provide.

Son: Did you tell the universe we have paypal?

Hey, you can get through anything when your kid makes you smile!

So, here in January when we had the same conversation yesterday, it was OK.My kid still can make me smile,in fact he sometimes makes me laugh out loud. And considering what he has gone through, and still deals with, that is a a sign of the invincible summer.

SO, I'll suck it up, even though we all struggle, there are always moments to share. The important things in life are always available. 

I will work on being positive today.

But, darn it Mother Nature, it needs to warm up soon! Apparently being cold makes me cranky. But, let me allow the universe to adjust my attitude. 

So, OK, I'll admit that now that the sun has come up,the snow is seriously pretty this morning, sunlight illuminating ice crystals that look like little diamonds smiling at me. 

Well, shoot,maybe January isn't the bitch I thought she was an hour or so ago. 

 But it's still too dang cold.



Peace and Blessings,
 EB


P.S. I dislike doing this but there is a paypal button over there,just in case. I told a friend once who was embarrassed about asking for help that if we don't make our needs known how does anyone ever know we have needs.The William and I are struggling,and just as embarrassed I am pointing out the button.We are continually blessed.