Tuesday, May 28, 2013

I Cried This Morning

So, I had a good cry this morning. Now I am not a person who cries easily, in fact I rarely cry.Really, the thing that caused me to weep would not normally affect that that way. In fact, it was an inspirational quote posted on one of the facebook pages I follow, and I should have smiled, nodded and agreed with the sentiment, because it is a sentiment I have always believed in.

At any given moment you have the power to say "this is not how the story is going to end."~author unknown~

Now, this should not have made me cry, because it is right in line with everything I believe. Everything I try to share with others. But weep I did. Because this morning, in the midst of troubles and problems, it felt as if my story is ending badly and there is just no way for me to change it, and I hate that I feel that way.

I don't give in to despair often. Even though I struggle with depression and a host of other health issues, I tend to be the cockeyed optimist most of the time. Sharing and teaching those around me that we have choices, and that our truth is that we author our own story. And I believe that, I really do. So, it was totally out of character for me to cry in frustration this morning. But I did.

Surprisingly, it helped. No, it didn't change anything, I still am desperately struggling. I still have no grocery money, no money to take care of the bad situation with the car, no money to pay the electric bill...but crying actually helped. It doesn't make sense that crying helped, but I feel calmer now. Sometimes, you have to let go of the need for things to make sense and just accept the that you feel better after you had a good cry.I think the unexpected tears helped me to change my focus.
We sometimes get so focused on what we don't have, what we haven't accomplished, that we don't realize how blessed we really are, if we never get more than we have right now. Yes, I would love to have some money in the bank, and all of the bills paid instead of living paycheck to paycheck and juggling and afraid all of the time.But this is where I am and I choose to believe it is not the end of the story.Like everyone I have my moments,when I am in the midst of a life situation that involves suffering, it seems as if the suffering is all there is, we often can't see how we can possibly overcome what is causing us pain.I know, when in the midst of troubles, we are often at a loss as to how this could possibly turn out good, but we have the choice to believe that it will.
But, no matter what the problem is, there is a solution. It often takes a while to find it, and often it takes stepping outside of what we think we know about ourselves to see the way out, but once we find that way out we are onto the overcoming part, and learning that we can overcome whatever life throws at us is the most wonderful feeling. What freedom there is in knowing that yes, we will experience suffering, but where there is suffering there is always a way to overcome.
So I cried this morning and the tears did what they are designed to do. After crying, our breathing, and heart rate decrease, and we enter into a calmer biological and emotional state.Crying makes us feel better, even when a problem persists. In addition to physical detoxification, emotional tears heal the heart.

So, even though I don't see how to change the end of the story, even though it seems impossible today, I choose to believe that this is not how the story is going to end. I choose to remember that I have to power to believe that. My faith wavered, and I cried. Turns out crying is good for you. Now that I am calmer I can remember that at any given moment I have to power to choose how the story ends. I can remember that even when I am feeling most out of control,something as simple as releasing the fears by crying can help me change the end of the story.

Peace and Blessings
p.s. I dislike doing this but there is a paypal button over there, just in case. I told a friend who was embarrassed about asking for help that if we don't make our needs known how does anyone ever know we have needs. So, just as embarrassed, I am pointing out the button. Blessings.

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