Sunday, December 16, 2012

More thoughts on our loss


When you write a blog, you put your thoughts out there for all to see. I am often astonished to look at the stats for my blog. I have followers around the world(bless each and every one of you). I have friends in other countries, so I assume I will see those countries, but I know no one in Russia, Malaysia, Indonesia, and many other countries. Yet, they read my thoughts. So, yesterday, in the midst of our nations grieving, I chose to blog some of my thoughts.

Now, my thoughts are mine. I received many messages of support for what I wrote, but I also received more than one message telling me I was wrong. Which is fine, because we all bring our own experiences to any issue. But, at some point, we have to be willing to discuss.

My experiences and beliefs lead me to weep for all who died. Yes, as I said yesterday, I include the young man and his mother in my prayers. Someone told me that they just couldn't understand praying for someone who was pure evil. They couldn't understand that I could differentiate between the tragedy being monstrous and the young man being a monster. Let me tell you why I weep for Adam.

I read the descriptions in the papers this morning of his behaviors in school. Those who know me can guess who I immediately thought of. I could have been reading about my son. I immediately had the thought that I could have been Adam's mother.Yes, I pray for Adam. I can not think of him as monster, or evil. I will not, as someone said I should, call him IT. When I pray for Adam and his mother I will call him Adam. Just as I will call all of the children and adults who died by their names when I pray for them and for those who mourn them. Just as I call the 22 year old who killed my husband Jessica in my daily prayers.I will continue to pray for Adam, and for each and every one of our children who were lost in this tragic, horrendous act. I will not call anyone IT, I will not think of anyone as pure evil or a monster, because there is a part of me that thinks that is perhaps part of the problem. We demean and dehumanize when we stop thinking of human beings as human beings.

There are so many issues that need to be discussed, so many. We will not all agree on how to change things, but I honestly think we can all agree that some things need changed. It is possible to have friends that you are diametrically opposed to what they support and still remain friends. I know this because it is true in my life. I have friends from all political and religious parts of the spectrum and we love each other. I think it maybe because while we can think the person is wrong or misguided we can respect that they have the right to feel and believe what they do. We understand that people can honestly look at things and understand them differently. Different doesn't mean someone is right and someone is wrong, it simply means different.And, honestly, differences can be discussed without demonizing or marginalizing the other persons opinion. In fact, as members of society we should each make it our project to bring the civic conversations in this country back to this.Because, the truth is, words have power, and you have no way of knowing who you are hurting with your words.


So many issues that need to be discussed. We owe it to all of the ones we lost to make sure these things get discussed. I refuse to believe that now is not the time. It is past time, and we all need to make sure that we don't get through the next few days in our grief and then return to business as usual. We all need to make sure that all of the issues can be discussed, and addressed. Because,I can not stop feeling that I could have been Adam's mother.

I'll be writing a lot about my thoughts and experiences in this our time of loss. I will inspire some, I will offend some, but I will continue to share-because all of the children were our children and we all mourn, and writing is one of the ways I mourn.



All human beings are limbs of each other,
having been created of one essence.

When time affects a limb with pain,
The other limbs cannot at rest remain.

If thou feel not other's misery,
A human being is no name for thee.

great iranian poet - sa'adi - c. 1210-1290

 

1 comment:

Celtic Muse said...

I think dehumanizing the killer is a mistake. If you ignore the humanity of the individual, we can never make any progress in understanding why this happened and preventing it from happening again. humans are not perfect loving creatures. We are evil. And we are good. We are terrible, and beautiful. We are mentally ill, we are sane.
Love the quote. I am going to share that.

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