Dang It People, watch what you say!

So, since I am going to rant about something that was said on one of those 24/7 TV channels this morning, I should first issue a bit of a disclaimer. I used to be a broadcast journalist. A radio News Director/reporter, in fact.Of course this was a long time ago,before we had 24/7 'coverage' of  everything. I should also say that I honestly believe the 24/7 channels aren't good for us.We used to get news after the reporters had time to find the facts, and verify those facts-triangulation was the way we went about our business.

But now, we have 24/7, and quite frankly a lot of what is said has no basis in fact. This morning on one of those channels one of the pundits in talking about the tragedy in Colorado, decided to weigh in with his conjecture that the shooter was on the autism spectrum. Now this personality has no way of knowing whether or not this is true, and what is worse, this personality has a son who is on the spectrum. So, you would think he would know that it is hard enough to be different in this society, to walk around as a person with autism or aspergers without people judging your behavior, or treating you as less than a person.

It makes no sense to have said this and put the thought out there. Honestly, sometimes we are meant to keep our thoughts to ourselves. I have had to listen to people comment on my son being different for the last 25 years.  It happens all too often. We can be at WalMart or the grocery store and someone will say something ugly about my son. Loud enough for me to hear them, loud enough for several people to hear them.It was rude, it was hurtful, and it is totally unnecessary.We've been asked to leave churches because they didn't think it was good for people to see "someone like him" in the congregation. It's hard enough to deal with without the added linking to the tragedy in Colorado.

We're all reeling over the news form Colorado. Believe me, I get it. In addition to the sense of helplessness, disbelief,and shock we all feel when these things happen, it brought lots of memories up for me. I am a gun violence survivor. Not once, not twice, but 3 times. Twice I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and was a random victim. The third time I admit, it was personal and may be the only time you will hear me say thank goodness he wasn't sober! I was riding in a car on  freeway nearly 40 years ago, and a sniper on an overpass was shooting people. Random, senseless violence. It leaves us all reeling.

But, nothing is served, by the 24/7 barrage of conjecture, opinions, misinformation and disinformation we are all bombarded with these days. When my husband was killed by a drunk driver I inadvertently caught the report on the local news the next day. I rocked me to my core. I can not imagine how the families and friends of the Colorado victims feel. I can imagine years from now how those who survived will feel.

I do know that words have power, and words can be used to heal or hurt. And the words this morning conjecturing whether the shooter might be on the autism spectrum or not were out of line,not based on any kind of known fact, and unnecessary. The only thing they can accomplish is make it even more difficult for those of us who live with the autism spectrum to be able to walk through the store or down a street without being looked at with fear and mistrust.This type of  irresponsible conjecture puts our children at risk. It is difficult enough to find acceptance in our society, but these comments give people reason to fear our children. Fear based in fallacy, promulgated by unwarranted conjecture.

Sometimes, we all need to keep our opinions to ourselves.

But then, that's just my opinion.

My Hero

I had an interesting conversation with my son today.My son is a person with autism. He is 26 years old. I started questioning his pediatrician when he was just a little more than a year old.We visited our first so-called expert when he was 18 months old. Much has changed since then, thankfully. Those first 'experts' were so wrong about so many things.

My son is my hero. He meets every day with optimism, and is truly the most content person I have ever known. Things most of us take for granted can be difficult for him,but perseveres and learns how to deal with any challenge.

Having a conversation is not easy for him. He talks to me the easiest when we are in the car. There is a reason for this, when we are in the car, Mom has to pay attention to driving, so I can't ask him for eye contact, or even to look at me. Because his brain works differently, he doesn't see things the way most do. He can't read body language or facial expression. He is challenged by tone of voice. Today, it dawned on me that that also describes those of us who communicate with others on the computer. When we read a post on facebook, or a message board, we can only read the words. We can't read body language, or facial expression. We can't hear the tone of voice.

So, back to the conversation I had with my son. We were discussing a commercial we had seen while watching some NASCAR programming. In the commercial, a driver mentions that the rate of autism in our children is now 1 in 110. When my son was diagnosed nearly 25 years ago it was thought the rate was 1 in 10,000. So our conversation was centered on not only the need for awareness campaigns, but on the increase in numbers of persons with autism.

I guess I need to point out that we have always considered my sons autism as a blessing. We accept that his brain works differently, and that that difference is not bad, it is just different. I am often astounded at the way he thinks. I was told I was "an unrealistic" parent by certain experts because I said that if we can figure out how the autistic brain works we would find the answers to most of the worlds problems. I thought that when my son was a toddler, I totally believe it now that he is a young man.

When we talked, my son said awareness is necessary so that more people can see that different is just different, not wrong, or bad. Just different.People need to see that there is nothing to be afraid of when someone is different,and that being different doesn't make you less of a person. We also talked about how awareness campaigns might help those who aren't blessed with autism to be more patient with some who are.

Then we talked about how many more people are being born blessed with autism. That is when I was reminded that the answers to our problems might just be in those autistic brains. "What if," he said, "there are more people with autism because the world needs the way we think. What if our brains are evolving to help."

What if, indeed! In a world where more and more communication takes place on the computer. More and more communication takes place where we are unable to read body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. In a world where in my lifetime technology has evolved more than I can even comprehend some days, what if more people are being born with brains that function differently because we need them.  I was definitely given something to think about, and that is only one of the reasons he is my hero!

Autism Awareness Month

It seems as if everywhere you look this month you see another magazine, another facebook page, another organization telling the world that April is Autism Awareness month. From the paint jobs on Nascar race cars, to the shoulders of ball players, to the fb pages of my friends Autism is the cause.

When I first became aware of autism the statistics being touted were that one in ten thousand children would be affected by autism.The research was minimal, and much of it still blamed the condition on bad mothering. When I first became aware of autism, most educators had never heard of it. Most teachers had never met a student with autism, because students with autism weren't in school. When I first became aware of autism, parents were still being told that their children would never speak, would never interact in any meaningful way with other people and would be better off institutionalized.When I first became aware of autism, my son was 18 months old.

I started questioning some of his behaviors with his pediatrician. Those questions would eventually lead us through children's hospitals, university hospitals, as well as clinical classrooms attempted to get a diagnosis. Now, a correct diagnosis when it comes to special needs children is so important. It is the only way to get your child the proper services from the school district. Like other families back then, we went through some wrong diagnosis before we got where we needed to be.

Our pediatrician sent us to a clinic at the local hospital. the very hospital where my came into this world. This hospital diagnosed my son as severely mentally retarded. Now, I may have just been the mom, but I knew this wasn't even close to the truth. So, off I went to the Children's hospital where my son was diagnosed as having a communication disorder, and for 3 pages of the 6 page diagnosis, a bad mom. Interestingly one of the criticisms of the 'experts' at this hospital was that we did not have a TV. It was written that I talked to my child too much. Honest, that's what they wrote. They also wrote that I was unrealistic in my expectations. I expected my son to be able to overcome whatever challenge was thrown at us, and to succeed. How dare I believe in my son!

This diagnosis of a 'communication disorder' was at least good enough to get us a placement in an early intervention program. My son, started school at 3 years old. He has always loved school and learning. We have always been blessed with good teachers who cared about  their students. The preschool program he was placed in had 10 students per classroom. I spent as much time in the classroom as he did. Parents were encouraged to be there and work with the teachers. As I looked around most days, I was the only parent there. I was stunned to learn, in overhearing a conversation between two teachers that in my sons classroom all of the other children were there because of problems created by the mothers drug use during pregnancy. What a sad statistic, having to do as much as where we were living at the time as anything else.

Eventually, I could feel Spirit telling me it was time to move. Raising a special needs child as a single mom was going to be easier in the Midwest.So, we moved. The first house we lived in was in a school district that chose to not deal with my sons challenges. By this time i was certain that my son was autistic, and I let school district administrators know this. A parent attempting to educate and autistic child was a new thing, and it took me a while to find the right school district. Eventually we did, and we moved again. My son registered in kindergarten, I took him to the local hospitals, and finally we had a diagnosis of autism.It took four years of doctors and educators to diagnose my son. Autism at that time was a relatively unknown disorder.

My son was blessed. We ended up living in an excellent school district that provided excellent programs and teachers for him. We are aware that other parents are still fighting long and hard for their children. Our journey through school was challenging, but in our school district he was able to thrive. My son was the first autistic student in the district. He would soon be followed by more autistic students as statistics changed. When i was taking my son from hospital to hospital-six in all-the statistics were one in ten thousand. Fast forward 20 years, it is April. Autism Awareness Month. Hard to believe that we have come this far in such a short time. Hard to believe that the statistics now say one in one hundred and ten children will be affected by an autism disorder.


When I first became aware of autism it was considered a rare disorder, now it is so common that it has a Month to raise people's awareness.Look around you, I bet you know a family that is being challenged by autism. In your schools, in your churches, in your neighborhoods. This month, be aware, when you see the blue lights lighting up a neighbors house, ask, they will be glad to talk to you about autism. When you are surfing the internet and you see the blue puzzle pieces in a logo, stop and take a minute to read the article.

Autism has always been around, all we ask is that you take a few minutes to become aware. Afterall, isn't that what awareness months are all about?