Do Me a Favor...

...actually, do yourself a favor. Tomorrow night is a night when so many will be out celebrating the end of the 2011 and the beginning of 2012. Please, make a plan. If you drink, don't drive! If you drive, don't drink! Not complicated. But it does require some thinking ahead. It requires you to think about using an alternate form of transportation such as a taxi, or using a designated driver, or being a designated driver. It might mean that you provide a place for your guests to stay, or that you provide a driver. There are many ways to be responsible.

Now I have nothing against enjoying yourself. I have nothing against those who choose to enjoy alcohol. Personally, I will be celebrating 31 years of sobriety in a few weeks, but that is because I am an alcoholic. I do not begrudge you one sip. But I do want you to think ahead and plan accordingly.

If you drink, please do not drive. I don't care how much you drink, one drink or several. Drinking and driving do not mix.

Lives are changed, destroyed in the blink of an eye. When my husband was killed by a drunk driver not only was my family destroyed but the family of the young woman who killed him was changed forever.

I know, most people think this can't happen to me. The young woman who killed my husband did not think she was impaired when she got on the freeway going the wrong direction and hit him head on at 60 miles per hour.

So, celebrate.Enjoy the party! Have a great time, but have a plan in place. Please.

If you drink do not drive!!

Struggles...we all have them

My life is a mess right now. I am in the midst of very trying times. Lost my home to foreclosure, dealing with illness-including these miserable shingles-moving, financial problems, deep dark depression, if it weren't for bad luck, etc. So I have to remind myself of some things. Our lives are lived half in light and half in dark. In Hebrew scripture God assures us in Isaiah(45: 6-7)...

I am the Lord, and there is none else: I form the light, and create darkness, I make peace, and create evil: I the Lord do all these things.

This scripture helped me to understand that those times when I am  experiencing the feelings that I compare to the dark night of the soul, those times were created for my good by Most High God. Now, how can feeling separate from my Creator be for my good? Because it is in those times that I truly have to believe that I would seek my Creator even when I am not feeling like  Most High is there. The times when my prayer life seems devoid and dried up, I can continue in my prayer life, because I know that God exists no matter how I feel. 

In the New Testament sacred literature it seems to me that the followers of Christ were the only one's who doubted. The Romans, the Sanhedrin, the enemies, they knew that here was someone who was going to change everything. But, just as Thomas became forever called doubting Thomas, the followers of the Christ had questions. They were right there with him, they heard what he was saying, they saw the miracles,and yet, we see time and again them questioning and the Christ explaining. If questioning continues even in darkness, the answers must come,though I don't have them right now. So, as darkness must turn into daybreak, waiting on the Most High God must be able to survive the darkness. Sometimes it is just the natural progression of light (activity) and darkness (rest or passive)that is normal in everything.

In Dark Night of the Soul (which is a poem and a treatise on the meaning of the poem) St John talks about the darkness as stripping away the ego. In psychoanalytic jargon the ego is that part of us, the self,serves as the organized conscious mediator between the person and reality especially by functioning both in the perception of and adaptation to reality.So John of the Cross would say that 'greater is the darkness wherein the soul journeys and the more completely is it voided of its natural operations, the greater is its security'. In other words, the more of self we are stripped of, the more secure we are in the fact that God is out there.That the planet will turn and the light will follow, and growth will have happened as the natural progression of times of activity and rest.

None of us follow the same path in our spiritual growth. Many of us experience many different traditions in our journey. We are asking questions, looking for answers. The Christ said in the Sermon on the Mount, everyone that asks receives. The word used for receive has the meaning of gaining. So those who question gain. Those who can embrace the dark as times of rest and growth can relax and know that the questions that inevitably arise in these times will be answered. So while I am struggling,I have to hang on, continuing to question.

Up On The Housetop...

...this is not going where you think it is. Yeah, I know, this time of year those words will automatically cause you to start humming, and trying to remember the words to the song you learned  back on the playground. But, as lovely as that memory is, and you may well thank me abut the 2000th time it runs through your head today, this is about an entirely different subject.

Up on the housetop, your dwelling is covered by a variety of building materials. There are several different types of roofing materials available. This story will use the name of one of the most prevalent types, but it's not about your roof either. (it's my blog, poetic license, and I am in a mood).Not that I am not qualified to discuss roofing materials, I am the daughter of a roofer. A man that worked for the same Roofing and Building Materials company for over 50 years. A man who fell from our roof on October 31, broke his hip, had surgery, and returned to work on January 2nd, at the age of 82. I grew up schlepping buckets, rolls, bundles, believe me I am qualified to talk about roofing materials.

But, I digress. I do that more often these days.

Today I do indeed want to talk about shingles. But, not the shingles that go up on the housetop...I was just attempting a bit of humor, jocularity as it were. Take my word for it, I can use all of the levity I can find these days. No, today I am writing about the disease commonly referred to as  shingles. Herpes zoster, from the varicella zoster virus that gave me a lovely case of chickenpox when I was in the first grade. By the way, my little sister and I had may have been considered overachievers, as it turned out we had the measles and the chickenpox at the very same time. But, as children do, we recovered, which was no easy feat as those illnesses require different types of treatment!

So, this virus gives you a mild childhood illness-or you acquire it through vaccination- then it hunkers down in your body and hibernates for, oh, let's say 50-60 years and attacks you with a vengeance. What the heck is up with that? One more question for my list!! Now I am no stranger to adversity, no stranger to medical problems, I am a cancer survivor-3 times, 28 years cancer free now- I broke my back in a car wreck, I have a neurological disease that is the most painful disease known to man, but I am not ashamed to admit that shingles has whooped by butt! I have never been as sick as I have been over the last couple of weeks. I will not bore you with the details, suffice it to say that since my head and face are home to the problem there are photos and I think those who make Zombie movies will be interested in buying them.

I will share that I have learned that there is a shingles vaccine. I honestly did not know that. It is recommended for those 60 and older, which may be why no one had mentioned it to me!! Honestly, I am not a proponent of vaccines. I am just a mature old growth hippie, I kept my son unvaccinated-and he has never had an illness that a vaccine would have prevented. BUT, I admit that the prospect of another bout with these shingles has me looking into the vaccine. Since this evil little virus NEVER leaves your body (how rude is that?) the vaccine can be useful even after you have had an outbreak. It is a fairly new vaccine, and I recommend you discuss it with your doctor. One can never have too much information.

Turns out,  that I won't be having the vaccine, I am allergic to one of the components. So, I will just be hoping that my body will not need new roofing materials anytime soon. Believe me, I will never look Up On The Housetop again without thinking about the shingles!

Humbled and Honored

Another Blogger has honored me today. This is one of the blogs I follow, as Roy is a very cool guy and gives the world wonderful insights and delightful slices of his life every day. I just wish I was as good a blogger as he is.
http://royd-spiltmilk.blogspot.com/2011/11/pick-on-me-tuesday-11-22.html

So, those who follow me are urged to check out Roy's Blog. Yes, he has honored me today, but I think you will find interesting tidbits there most days!
Peace and Blessings,

'Tis the Season

Does it seem as if all of a sudden every where you turn you are encountering rude behavior? If so, believe me you are not the only one. I think it is just a stressful time of year. We have entered the 'holiday' season. Since time began, humans have had celebrations during the winter season, and for good reason. When the winter is upon us, we sometimes need to be reminded that it will not always be dark and the light will return.

So here we are, just a few days from Thanksgiving, and we are already starting to see people running around getting stressed out and being rude and unkind to each other. It is not easy to remain calm when someone is rude, but if we are to reclaim civility and peace for our society, we have to start by reclaiming it in our own lives.

The holidays are hard for us sometimes, in that the reality often doesn't match up with our expectations. We want so much to create either the holidays of our memory or the holidays of Norman Rockwell's imagination. For those of us who don't have halcyon memories to draw on, we think we will make up for it by making sure our loved ones do. For those of us with great memories we compete with trying to accomplish all of those things in a different time. And so we are worn out, frazzled, frustrated.

I think the first place to start to reclaim some peace and tranquility at this time of year is to acknowledge that the Norman Rockwell holiday was a figment of Rockwell's imagination. I love Rockwell's work, but honestly those illustrations were just that- illustrations. Yes, I am sure that there are families and celebrations that look like that, but I am also sure that there are families that don't. So I think we have to allow ourselves to relax and to create what works for us. No more 'keeping up with the Joneses'!

Now my maiden name was Jones, so I have always found the thought of 'keeping up with the Joneses' absurd. Believe me, we weren't worth keeping up with. Holiday dinners at our house were fraught with difficulty.When all of the siblings and their families got together there were bound to be arguments, fights, and just general mayhem. I don't remember a time when everyone was speaking to each other, there was always some point of contention somewhere. One of the memories I laugh at was the year Thanksgiving dinner was at the home of one of my brothers instead of my parents. That brothers wife did not care for me (her loss) and she very cleverly made that known! I happen to have food allergies,in particular coconut and walnuts. On that table there was not one dish that did not include coconut or walnuts. NOT ONE! From the salads to the stuffing to the gravy, some form of coconut or walnut had been included in every recipe. Then she whined because I excused myself from the table without eating anything. My brother yelled at me that I was disrespecting his wife, and as I left the room my family started arguing. Just another family gathering at the Joneses!

So, as we start the countdown to the end of the year, my advice is to relax. All you can do is all you can do. Perhaps it is time to simplify anyway. As we encounter rude people who are stressing out, smile, perhaps say a little prayer that they will be blessed, and remain calm. That guy that just cut you off on the freeway, ask God to bless his life and keep him safe. That cranky neighbor, ask God to pour out blessing on her. That frazzled cashier, thank her for working hard and wish her a blessed day. Whatever you do, do not repay rudeness with rudeness. You only make yourself unhappy when you do that, and the truth is rude people are unhappy people, no need to add to their numbers.

Perhaps remind yourself of the first few lines of the prose poem Desiderata (Latin for desired things)

"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit..."

Who knows, perhaps we can reclaim good manners and civility in our time, and if not we can certainly reclaim it for our life!

Anger is on my mind!!

I don't often talk about current events or news. I try desperately to not talk about politics or religion. I have friends from across all spectrum from left to right, and fortunately we respect each other enough to agree to disagree. But I am going to make an exception today. Because there is a story in the news that has caused me, and others like me pain.

The child rape case involving Penn State is an horrific thing. When I read the first story in the newspaper I was immediately saddened and sent prayers for the young people who had been so betrayed. Then there were the stories about the fallout, an venerable old man losing his job, and then the riots. That is when I started having trouble sleeping.

See, like an estimated 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys in this country I am a survivor of sexual abuse, child rape.Now, I am 57 years old, and have had much therapy over the years, and truthfully think of myself as having healed from the memories of being raped as a vulnerable 4 year old.But, as I read the paper, and the rapes of a 10 year old child were described in much more graphic terms than I had expected, it seems to have triggered a bit of PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I was actually surprised at how deeply the newspaper story had affected me.

Maybe it's not just me, maybe there are others out there that are also feeling the pain, and the anger. Honestly, how could this be happening in this day and age. How can we still be a society that allows our children to be raped? I know that 50+ years ago things were not spoken, but I have seen in my lifetime increased awareness, increased information, or so I thought. Apparently we haven't progressed as much as we think we have.

I am not even sure why I started this post, maybe I just want to say to all of us that it is past time for us to speak up, stand up, and make this world safer for our children. I can honestly say I have called Children Services and reported things in the past and will not hesitate to do so again.When I was working, I have intervened in situations where I saw children unsafe, and would do so again. Had I witnessed the rape of that child in a shower,the police would have shown up as  they would have had to pry my hands from around the perpetrators neck.

Maybe I just started this post just remind myself that we need to make ourselves available to to protect our children, all of our children. As a child I knew that what happened to me was wrong.Then when I became a mother I knew that I would die to protect my child. I will never forget the moment my son was put in my arms for the very first time. I knew, in that moment, that love existed, and that every child deserves the best we have to give.I have always made sure I listened to him, and I fouhgt for him when I had to, I would do the same for any child, anywhere.

In the words of Albert Einstein...

The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.

Thanks for listening.


 
 

November is RSD/CRPS Awareness Month

Awareness months seem commonplace these days, and so it can be easy to ignore them. Then of course, something hits home with you in a personal way, and you feel the need to be part of the awareness. As the parent of a young man with autism, I have written about autism awareness. This month, I am writing as a person with RSD.

What is RSD/CRPS you ask? Well, according to the National Organization of Rare Disorders "Reflex sympathetic dystrophy syndrome (RSDS), also known as complex regional pain syndrome(CRPS), is a rare disorder of the sympathetic nervous system that is characterized by chronic, severe pain. The sympathetic nervous system is that part of the autonomic nervous system that regulates involuntary functions of the body such as increasing heart rate, constricting blood vessels, and increasing blood pressure. Excessive or abnormal responses of portions of the sympathetic nervous system are thought to be responsible for the pain associated with reflex sympathetic dystrophy syndrome."

Now, this post is not to seek sympathy, but to increase awareness. So many live with what are sometimes called invisible diseases. It can be difficult for those who love us to come to terms with the fact that we are in pain. My late husband hated my pain more than me. He felt completely helpless, not an easy thing for a loving spouse to feel. The first few years-I experienced my first symptoms in 2001 on our honeymoon-I felt a lot of guilt. Yes, guilt. It isn't easy knowing that family times and plans depend on how Mom is feeling that day.

It took a year before I found the doctors I rely on. Rare disorders are like that. Most doctors have limited knowledge of the disorder and even less knowledge of how to deal with it. I was misdiagnosed by several doctors. Really unfortunate because if diagnosed early there is a chance to stop the progression. I was progressed into phase 3 of 4 before I found the right doctors.Still, I was not finished with unknowing medical professionals. After I found my wonderful neurologist, who not only knew what was wrong with me, but knew how to help me, I had to change my primary care  physician. The one I had been using quite simply looked at the diagnosis from the neurologist and told me there was no such thing as RSD and that I was imagining it.

Now RSD has been in the medical literature for 150 years. The name has changed through the years, in fact the name has changed since I developed it in 2001, but it has been written about since the Civil War. So, you can imagine how disheartening it was for a physician I trusted to look me in the eye and tell me I was imagining the most excruciating pain known to exist. He simply refused to continue treating me if I persisted in seeing my neurologist for treatment of the RSD. For me, this is underscores why  we need to have an RSD/CRPS awareness month.Even doctors need to be educated.

Twenty five years ago when I first started seeking answers for what was different about my son, it became obvious that educating people was going to be part of the equation. I had never met anyone dealing with autism, and so I found myself researching and studying so that I could educate family, friends, even the doctors and educators we were dealing with. Fast forward,and I am find the same need to educate when it comes to RSD. Luckily, we now have more avenues open to research, share information and connect with others doing the same thing. All too often when you are dealing with something you can feel isolated, as if you are the only person in the world who has to go through what you are going through. In this day of social networks and awareness months it is so good to know that there are others out there who understand.

While no two people have exactly the same experiences, it is always helpful to know that you are not alone. This disorder is not easy to live with. There is no cure, and as horrific as enduring the physical pain can be, the psychological and spiritual pain can be even worse. It is not easy being in pain, being treated badly by the medical establishment,misunderstood by friends and family, needing large doses of narcotics just to get through the day. It will wear you out. It isn't even easy to describe the pain you are feeling.OK, imagine that someone has set your nervous system on fire, is applying a cattle prod and attempting to shred the flesh from your bones with a giant meat fork, all at the same time. I told you it was hard to describe the pain that an RSD patient endures. NOW multiply what you imagine that might feel like by about 10,000.You might be getting an idea of the severity of the pain. Honestly, that is the best picture I can give you. Now imagine that the pain that is constant at about a 6-7 out of 10 can be spiked up to about a 12 out of 10 (I am not exaggerating) simply because the fabric of the skirt you are wearing was touched by a puff of wind. The pain colors every moment of your life. Every breath you take. Am I enjoying a sunset on my deck? What if the wind comes up, what if the fabric in this skirt is scratchy, what if I simply breathe deep and the pain flares? You have to think about these things,and learn to deal with them.

Of course, RSD is not the only disease/disorder that involves chronic pain, there are way too many. It just happens to be one of the diseases I have (it is the only one I talk a lot about, I won't bore you with the other 4). There are an estimated 5 million people worldwide suffering from RSD.The reason I talk about RSD is so that other people can be encouraged to talk about what they are dealing with. It is my small way of saying that you can learn to manage your pain, and perhaps even to manage to have a life in spite of it.

You can learn to manage the pain with medication, good doctors, and with the meditation and breathing that you use for so many things.For me Faith is so important in learning to manage something like this.Some days you might be stuck in poor pitiful me mode, but Creator will not leave you there. Most High will whisper to you that your next blog post should talk about the pain. So Spirit will nudge you to share your stories, share about the pain that is so integral to what is going on in your life.Share that I really do believe I have the choice to pray for healing, the choice to deal with the disease should healing not come. Life is all about choice. I choose faith in my Creator to overcome even the most painful disease known to man. What choices do you have today?