Well Played Coco-Cola marketers

So I bought a diet coke when I was at the grocery store. Totally out of character for me, but I bought it, and I am going to tell you why...

When I was growing up every kid in the neighborhood had a little plastic license plate on the back of their bicycle with their name on it--yes, I know, these days we don't put our children's names where all the world can see them, and I totally agree with that (but I digress). When I was going up everyone had the little license plate with their name--except me.

You could find the display with the name plates in most places, dime stores like  Kresge's and Ben Franklin (I am old) the corner drugstore, the grocery store. If you went to an amusement park, you could find souvenirs--hats, keychains, cute little wall plaques with your name on them. Unless you were me.Or someone like me with a not so common name.

Now my name is not all that unusual. I had an aunt and a cousin with the same name. I was named after my aunty, she was my favorite person. Heck there is even a book in the Bible with our name. But, no little plastic license plate or souvenirs.

I told myself it was OK, they probably wouldn't have spelled it right anyway--most people misspell it 99% of the time--which I have always found more than a bit odd because of that aforementioned book in the Bible. But you know, when you are a little kid, not finding your name felt like a rejection of you. As a grownup I am well aware that it was not a rejection, but when I was 6 years old, it felt like every kid in my neighborhood counted more than me.

Now, when Coca-Cola started the campaign with the names on the bottles, we bought my son one right away. He has a nice classic name, mass produced whenever name items are sold. Truthfully, I didn't even look for my name, because I just assumed it wouldn't be there.

So, there I was in the grocery store and I rolled past the Coke display and what do I see out of the corner of my eye? A bottle of diet coke with my name on it. MY NAME--Spelled correctly and everything!! I tell you, I had a visceral reaction and I grabbed up that bottle and held it and looked at it  in wonder. There was my name.  After all these years, I had been mass produced.

So, of course I bought it. Which is a bit silly, because I don't drink diet coke. My son doesn't drink diet coke. But there is a bottle of Diet Coke in the fridge. it will probably stay there for a long time, I'll probably empty it out eventually--but that bottle with my name on it will go on a shelf to be admired. Because ESTHER is a good name, and because those Coca-cola people are really smart marketers. Touch us where it matters, in our very identity, and we will buy it--even if we don't drink it.

Well played Coca Cola, and THANKS from the little girl who even though she knew it wouldn't be there looked for her name on every personalized souvenir she came across.



Peace and Blessings,
ESTHER

Did you know I danced?

It's been a few months since I wrote something...time seems to slip past me faster and faster these days. I really didn't mean to not write anything for that long, I just got busy worrying with other things I guess.

So, for my facebook friend who discovered my blog and messaged me to let me know that something I had written had touched him in a visceral way, Thank You, you reminded me that I should make time to share.

It is hard when you are struggling with the day to day stresses of life sometimes to remember that you have something to give back to the world. It is all to easy to get wrapped up in the struggles and forget that you weren't always old, and poor, and in pain. It is all too easy to forget that even though you are old and poor and in pain you still matter, you can still touch someone else's life. 

So, I can't promise to be upbeat all of the time. 

I can't say I won't continue to worry about the problems--like being out of money too soon this month and stressing about it.

I can say, that for today I will try to remember that there was a time in my life when I danced. I will try to remember that while I can't dance like I used to, maybe I am still dancing in new ways. 

I am stressed--I am also extremely blessed. 

I am multi-faceted that way.

So, thank you facebook friend for the reminder that I have something to give, it is all too easy to feel useless, and we all need to be reminded that we aren't.

Peace and blessings,

EB

One More Year-One Day At A Time

Oh my word, I haven't had a drink in 34 years!

Today is my birthday. Not my belly button birthday, my day I got clean and sober birthday. Today I am celebrating 34 years of sobriety. Celebrating 34 years of choosing to deal with life and all its challenges, obstacles, defeats, and victories without using drugs or alcohol. 

I don't remember when alcohol wasn't available to me. My older brothers-14, 18, and 21 years older than me- were the kind of guys that thought it was cute to give a baby or toddler a sip of beer, or whatever cocktail they might be drinking. There was always a bottle of whiskey in the kitchen cupboard, and when my dad wanted a glass of wine in the evening, he sent one of us to get it.Alone in the kitchen, no one was there to see me take a swig for myself. If there were family gatherings, not much attention was paid attention to what you were grabbing out of the cooler. After all, the men usually sent a kid to get the beer out of the cooler. So I developed an enjoyment of the taste and effect of alcohol at a very young age. It was an easy way to make life stop hurting for a little while. 

Of course,as soon as I left home it was no problem. I looked older than my age, and was never carded. Really, the first time I was carded was on my 21st birthday. There was a new guy at my liquor store, and he carded me and wished me a Happy 21st birthday. The owner was shocked, since he had been selling me alcohol for 4 years. But, he didn't make a big deal about it. I was a very good customer. By the time I was 21, I was drinking every day. I had started down that road as a teenager with undiagnosed bipolar disorder. I was self medicating with drugs and alcohol for several years. When I was diagnosed, I started letting go of the drugs, but consumed more alcohol to make up for it.

I drank my way through college, and 5 years into my working life. I managed to get good grades, and do good work while I increased my drinking. I had good jobs, but my drinking caused me to make some really, really stupid decisions about men and relationships.Just like the song says "Looking for love in all the wrong places."


I knew that eventually I would have to quit drinking. I knew that it was impossible for me to drink in moderation, and I hated that, because there were things I truly enjoyed and did not want to give up.I truly enjoyed choosing the right wine for a good meal. I truly enjoyed a cold beer on a hot afternoon.But, as much as I wish I was, I am not the kind of person who can stop with one glass of wine, one cold beer, one mixed drink. So, I had to listen to the small voice and quit. The last time I got drunk was on a Sunday night. I had been to a party. I don't remember much about the party, I had been drinking all weekend of course, but for some reason I got really drunk at that party. I think that I totally embarrassed myself, and a friend suggested we leave and go somewhere else. We ended up at her Mother's house. I don't remember how we got there, but I do remember sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and talking to her mother until 5 o'clock Monday morning. I drove home and got in the shower and then I decided to call in sick and get some sleep. I had never done that before, I always went to work. In fact, I got in the shower intending to get ready for work, but while I was in that shower I started getting quiet, and when I get quiet I can hear the small voice, and the voice said "It's time to heal." 

So, I called in sick, went to bed and slept for a couple of hours. When I woke up I felt like crap.I never got hungover, but that day I was hungover. I spent some time feeling sorry for myself, but then I remembered hearing the voice. I knew that it was time to stop numbing the pain, time to stop dulling the memories and to start healing the wounds. I called my doctor, and went to see her. I had a good talk with her and she referred me to a therapist. She called him right then, and he saw me that afternoon.It was Monday, January 19, 1981. The therapist said that he would work with me, but he also suggested that I go to AA. He got out the phone book, and handed me the phone. I made the call and found a meeting that evening. That was the beginning of my journey to health and wholeness, a journey I am still on. It is not an easy journey to start. It is not an easy journey to continue, but it is a journey I believe we must all undertake.

So, here I am. I haven't had a drink, oh how I have wanted to, but I have not had a drink.My Higher Power and I are taking a journey. One day at a time.


Peace and Blessings,
EstherBelle

Happy Christmas

The quote for the day is...
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.~~Erma Bombeck~~

Now, when you read that do not think, oh dear, that is so right. Think, I am a child. A child of the Most High God, and I deserve to believe that I am a beautiful, wonderful, worthwhile individual with so much to offer myself and those I love. The most important things I have to offer have nothing to do with the house being spotless, or the decorations being Martha Stewart worthy, or the Christmas dinner being course after course of delicious. What I have to offer is the heart of a worthwhile person. A heart that knows that I am intelligent, and caring, and worthy of treating myself well. A heart that is able to be a better mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend because I know my value.

Take time today to rest, even though you have things to do. Take some time to get at least a few moments with yourself, and remind yourself that a confident, loving smile is worth more than anything you can possibly accomplish today. Remind yourself that when we wake up on Christmas morning we are all someone's child, and relax and enjoy the day, no matter the circumstances. CHOOSE to believe in yourself, CHOOSE to hear only the truth about yourself from yourself and others, CHOOSE to remember who you are and nothing else can take that wonder away from the day. Relax, refresh your spirit, and wake up Christmas morning with the eyes and heart of a child!

Peace and Blessings,
EstherBelle 

The Holidays are Coming...

Does it seem as if all of a sudden every where you turn you are encountering rude behavior? If so, believe me you are not the only one. I think it is just a stressful time of year. We have entered the 'holiday' season. Since time began, humans have had celebrations during the winter season, and for good reason. When the winter is upon us, we sometimes need to be reminded that it will not always be dark and the light will return.

So here we are, just three weeks from Thanksgiving, and we are already starting to see people running around getting stressed out and being rude and unkind to each other. It is not easy to remain calm when someone is rude, but if we are to reclaim civility and peace for our society, we have to start by reclaiming it in our own lives.

The holidays are hard for us sometimes, in that the reality often doesn't match up with our expectations. We want so much to create either the holidays of our memory or the holidays of Norman Rockwell's imagination. For those of us who don't have halcyon memories to draw on, we think we will make up for it by making sure our loved ones do. For those of us with great memories we compete with trying to accomplish all of those things in a different time. And so we are worn out, frazzled, frustrated.

I think the first place to start to reclaim some peace and tranquility at this time of year is to acknowledge that the Norman Rockwell holiday was a figment of Rockwell's imagination. I love Rockwell's work, but honestly those illustrations were just that- illustrations. Yes, I am sure that there are families and celebrations that look like that, but I am also sure that there are families that don't. So I think we have to allow ourselves to relax and to create what works for us. No more 'keeping up with the Joneses'!

Now my maiden name was Jones, so I have always found the thought of 'keeping up with the Joneses' absurd. Believe me, we weren't worth keeping up with. Holiday dinners at our house were fraught with difficulty.When all of the siblings and their families got together there were bound to be arguments, fights, and just general mayhem. I don't remember a time when everyone was speaking to each other, there was always some point of contention somewhere. One of the memories I laugh at was the year Thanksgiving dinner was at the home of one of my brothers instead of my parents. That brothers wife did not care for me (her loss) and she very cleverly made that known! I happen to have food allergies,in particular coconut and walnuts. On that table there was not one dish that did not include coconut or walnuts. NOT ONE! From the salads to the stuffing to the gravy, some form of coconut or walnut had been included in every recipe. Then she whined because I excused myself from the table without eating anything. My brother yelled at me that I was disrespecting his wife, and as I left the room my family started arguing. Just another family gathering at the Joneses!

So, as we start the countdown to the end of the year, my advice is to relax. All you can do is all you can do. Perhaps it is time to simplify anyway. As we encounter rude people who are stressing out, smile, perhaps say a little prayer that they will be blessed, and remain calm. That guy that just cut you off on the freeway, ask God to bless his life and keep him safe. That cranky neighbor, ask God to pour out blessing on her. That frazzled cashier, thank her for working hard and wish her a blessed day. Whatever you do, do not repay rudeness with rudeness. You only make yourself unhappy when you do that, and the truth is rude people are unhappy people, no need to add to their numbers.

Perhaps remind yourself of the first few lines of the prose poem Desiderata (Latin for desired things)

"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit..."

Who knows, perhaps we can reclaim good manners and civility in our time, and if not we can certainly reclaim it for our life!

Social Media

So, I don't get out much. I'm not well, I'm broke, I'm actually an introvert, I'm a bit depressed, or all or none of the above. Social media has become my way of keeping in touch with my friends and family and the rest of the world.

Now, as much as I enjoy social media--facebook, message boards, etc.--I understand that it can be a minefield of hateful, hurtful opinionated people. Some folks seem to think the anonymity gives them the courage to say all the eejit things they might be thinking. That can be a problem for some. On one of the sports pages I hang out at there is a young person who posts who quite frankly has no business using social media--and if I knew how to reach his parents I would gladly teach them about parental controls.This young person is just not equipped to handle the eejits, and that is sad.

On the other hand, on this same sports page I have met and made friends with other like minded fans. We have moved from the page to a group. They are my buddies. 

So, the last few days I have been a bit down in the dumps, and haven't participated in the conversations. This morning, I am sitting here reading some stuff on facebook, and I get a message from one of my buddies. 

He is concerned because I have been quiet. How cool is that. We have a nice conversation and he makes me smile. Can't ask for much more out of any friend than that. 

So, this is for my Nascar buddy...

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.~~Jane Howard~~

We need others. We may at one time or other stick our noses in the air and sniff "That's OK, I don't need anyone else." But it's a lie, we know it's a lie when we say it, we only say it so that some other person is not allowed to see how badly they are hurting us by leaving us or rejecting us. But, the truth is we need others. We need some people just for a season, and that is OK. They may move into our lives and move out again. But we need others, because we have a need to be loved, but more importantly I think, we have a need to love.

Today, a 'stranger' on the internet made me feel loved and cared for, and for that I am truly grateful...and you can't continue to feel sorry for yourself when you are feeling grateful.

Thanks, B, you know I love ya!!!

Did you see the moon?

Did you see the moon? How glorious was that. In the midst of worrying and fretting, to have the chance to just look up at the wonder of the universe!!


The quote for today is...

Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems.~~Bill Watterson~~

Sometimes when we get a problem in our life we worry that sucker to death. We look at it, and dissect it, and second guess it. Sometimes we make elaborate plans to deal with it. Sometimes we decide to ignore it, and we have to construct wieldy ways of pretending it just isn't there. Like the elephant in the living room, we have to find ways to live around it without acknowledging it. We spend tons and tons of energy without accomplishing anything. Sometimes we just try to hard. Perhaps we need to let our mind just relax, and play for a while. This is not denying a problem, we are aware that there is a problem, we are just allowing our self a time of relaxation, so that we can come back to the problem with renewed energy. Sometimes when we allow ourselves to relax a bit, and we all know this is true, the answer comes to us, seemingly out of the blue. Perhaps, out of the blue, is just us having let go long enough that our higher power could get the message through. Sometimes when we are in crisis worry mode, we make so many plans in our own power, that the answers we have been praying for can't get through. Our Higher Power is calling us, but the line is busy, our inbox is full.

So, no matter what is going on is your life, always, always remember that taking time to relax and take care of yourself is not a selfish act. It is a necessary act for your good and the good of those you love. If I didn't spend my hours meditating and praying, my life would be much more complicated. And we all know my life is way too complicated as it is! So here is to letting go for a few minutes today. Let your mind play, let your spirit relax so that you are able to make the best choices you can from a place of renewed energy. Choose to let go for awhile, it's a good choice.

Peace and Blessings,
EB

p.s. the donate button is to the right, I hate saying that, but when you are behind on things you never ever know whom might be led to share..