Happy Christmas

The quote for the day is...
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.~~Erma Bombeck~~

Now, when you read that do not think, oh dear, that is so right. Think, I am a child. A child of the Most High God, and I deserve to believe that I am a beautiful, wonderful, worthwhile individual with so much to offer myself and those I love. The most important things I have to offer have nothing to do with the house being spotless, or the decorations being Martha Stewart worthy, or the Christmas dinner being course after course of delicious. What I have to offer is the heart of a worthwhile person. A heart that knows that I am intelligent, and caring, and worthy of treating myself well. A heart that is able to be a better mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend because I know my value.

Take time today to rest, even though you have things to do. Take some time to get at least a few moments with yourself, and remind yourself that a confident, loving smile is worth more than anything you can possibly accomplish today. Remind yourself that when we wake up on Christmas morning we are all someone's child, and relax and enjoy the day, no matter the circumstances. CHOOSE to believe in yourself, CHOOSE to hear only the truth about yourself from yourself and others, CHOOSE to remember who you are and nothing else can take that wonder away from the day. Relax, refresh your spirit, and wake up Christmas morning with the eyes and heart of a child!

Peace and Blessings,
EstherBelle 

The Holidays are Coming...

Does it seem as if all of a sudden every where you turn you are encountering rude behavior? If so, believe me you are not the only one. I think it is just a stressful time of year. We have entered the 'holiday' season. Since time began, humans have had celebrations during the winter season, and for good reason. When the winter is upon us, we sometimes need to be reminded that it will not always be dark and the light will return.

So here we are, just three weeks from Thanksgiving, and we are already starting to see people running around getting stressed out and being rude and unkind to each other. It is not easy to remain calm when someone is rude, but if we are to reclaim civility and peace for our society, we have to start by reclaiming it in our own lives.

The holidays are hard for us sometimes, in that the reality often doesn't match up with our expectations. We want so much to create either the holidays of our memory or the holidays of Norman Rockwell's imagination. For those of us who don't have halcyon memories to draw on, we think we will make up for it by making sure our loved ones do. For those of us with great memories we compete with trying to accomplish all of those things in a different time. And so we are worn out, frazzled, frustrated.

I think the first place to start to reclaim some peace and tranquility at this time of year is to acknowledge that the Norman Rockwell holiday was a figment of Rockwell's imagination. I love Rockwell's work, but honestly those illustrations were just that- illustrations. Yes, I am sure that there are families and celebrations that look like that, but I am also sure that there are families that don't. So I think we have to allow ourselves to relax and to create what works for us. No more 'keeping up with the Joneses'!

Now my maiden name was Jones, so I have always found the thought of 'keeping up with the Joneses' absurd. Believe me, we weren't worth keeping up with. Holiday dinners at our house were fraught with difficulty.When all of the siblings and their families got together there were bound to be arguments, fights, and just general mayhem. I don't remember a time when everyone was speaking to each other, there was always some point of contention somewhere. One of the memories I laugh at was the year Thanksgiving dinner was at the home of one of my brothers instead of my parents. That brothers wife did not care for me (her loss) and she very cleverly made that known! I happen to have food allergies,in particular coconut and walnuts. On that table there was not one dish that did not include coconut or walnuts. NOT ONE! From the salads to the stuffing to the gravy, some form of coconut or walnut had been included in every recipe. Then she whined because I excused myself from the table without eating anything. My brother yelled at me that I was disrespecting his wife, and as I left the room my family started arguing. Just another family gathering at the Joneses!

So, as we start the countdown to the end of the year, my advice is to relax. All you can do is all you can do. Perhaps it is time to simplify anyway. As we encounter rude people who are stressing out, smile, perhaps say a little prayer that they will be blessed, and remain calm. That guy that just cut you off on the freeway, ask God to bless his life and keep him safe. That cranky neighbor, ask God to pour out blessing on her. That frazzled cashier, thank her for working hard and wish her a blessed day. Whatever you do, do not repay rudeness with rudeness. You only make yourself unhappy when you do that, and the truth is rude people are unhappy people, no need to add to their numbers.

Perhaps remind yourself of the first few lines of the prose poem Desiderata (Latin for desired things)

"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit..."

Who knows, perhaps we can reclaim good manners and civility in our time, and if not we can certainly reclaim it for our life!

Social Media

So, I don't get out much. I'm not well, I'm broke, I'm actually an introvert, I'm a bit depressed, or all or none of the above. Social media has become my way of keeping in touch with my friends and family and the rest of the world.

Now, as much as I enjoy social media--facebook, message boards, etc.--I understand that it can be a minefield of hateful, hurtful opinionated people. Some folks seem to think the anonymity gives them the courage to say all the eejit things they might be thinking. That can be a problem for some. On one of the sports pages I hang out at there is a young person who posts who quite frankly has no business using social media--and if I knew how to reach his parents I would gladly teach them about parental controls.This young person is just not equipped to handle the eejits, and that is sad.

On the other hand, on this same sports page I have met and made friends with other like minded fans. We have moved from the page to a group. They are my buddies. 

So, the last few days I have been a bit down in the dumps, and haven't participated in the conversations. This morning, I am sitting here reading some stuff on facebook, and I get a message from one of my buddies. 

He is concerned because I have been quiet. How cool is that. We have a nice conversation and he makes me smile. Can't ask for much more out of any friend than that. 

So, this is for my Nascar buddy...

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.~~Jane Howard~~

We need others. We may at one time or other stick our noses in the air and sniff "That's OK, I don't need anyone else." But it's a lie, we know it's a lie when we say it, we only say it so that some other person is not allowed to see how badly they are hurting us by leaving us or rejecting us. But, the truth is we need others. We need some people just for a season, and that is OK. They may move into our lives and move out again. But we need others, because we have a need to be loved, but more importantly I think, we have a need to love.

Today, a 'stranger' on the internet made me feel loved and cared for, and for that I am truly grateful...and you can't continue to feel sorry for yourself when you are feeling grateful.

Thanks, B, you know I love ya!!!

Did you see the moon?

Did you see the moon? How glorious was that. In the midst of worrying and fretting, to have the chance to just look up at the wonder of the universe!!


The quote for today is...

Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems.~~Bill Watterson~~

Sometimes when we get a problem in our life we worry that sucker to death. We look at it, and dissect it, and second guess it. Sometimes we make elaborate plans to deal with it. Sometimes we decide to ignore it, and we have to construct wieldy ways of pretending it just isn't there. Like the elephant in the living room, we have to find ways to live around it without acknowledging it. We spend tons and tons of energy without accomplishing anything. Sometimes we just try to hard. Perhaps we need to let our mind just relax, and play for a while. This is not denying a problem, we are aware that there is a problem, we are just allowing our self a time of relaxation, so that we can come back to the problem with renewed energy. Sometimes when we allow ourselves to relax a bit, and we all know this is true, the answer comes to us, seemingly out of the blue. Perhaps, out of the blue, is just us having let go long enough that our higher power could get the message through. Sometimes when we are in crisis worry mode, we make so many plans in our own power, that the answers we have been praying for can't get through. Our Higher Power is calling us, but the line is busy, our inbox is full.

So, no matter what is going on is your life, always, always remember that taking time to relax and take care of yourself is not a selfish act. It is a necessary act for your good and the good of those you love. If I didn't spend my hours meditating and praying, my life would be much more complicated. And we all know my life is way too complicated as it is! So here is to letting go for a few minutes today. Let your mind play, let your spirit relax so that you are able to make the best choices you can from a place of renewed energy. Choose to let go for awhile, it's a good choice.

Peace and Blessings,
EB

p.s. the donate button is to the right, I hate saying that, but when you are behind on things you never ever know whom might be led to share..

This is a MOM brag

I have a son who is blessed with autism. He is also a BIG guy, all 6'7" of him.

Because of his autism, behavior issues are interesting to say the least. Unfortunately he is also my child, and inherited my weight issues.Getting him to eat better has been a challenge, not only does he have an autistic really picky palate, he has Crohn's disease.As his mom, I have to gently guide and steer and quite frankly just hope for the best most times.

So...this happened...

When we were out running errands I noticed he was having problems keeping his shorts up. Now, I have noticed he has lost weight-I've been working towards that- but it's not something I can actually directly discuss with him.

So, when we got home from our errands, he had both hands full as he tried to open the door to the building. One of those hands had been holding up his shorts, so his shorts fell down. Thank Goodness he had on good underwear (and no one else was outside) when he mooned the neighborhood.

Now, I have been aware that he had lost weight, I just didn't know how much weight he had lost--and in the grand scheme of things it wasn't important enough to talk him into getting on the scale, which is something he has an aversion to.

BUT, while I was tightening the elastic on his shorts, I-in my, I am not new at this mom of a person with autism stuff-coerced him into getting on the scale.

NOW, comes the Mom brag. Without putting him on a diet, without nagging, or discussing his weight, with modeling healthy eating and being open to discuss my own journey I have managed to help guide my son to healthier habits.

My son got on the scale...and even he was impressed...

He has lost 79 pounds in the last year and a half.

He is still a big guy, but like his mom he is no longer obese!!

I am in awe of him. One more reason why he is my hero!

Good Bye August

and quite frankly, good riddance. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Hello September, please realize that August was just a meanie that hung around way too long and kicked our butts and we would like you to be especially nice to make up for it.

September already? How did that happen? AND Labor Day is on the 1st this year, so not only is it already September, it is unofficially the end of summer. Good. Summer has been a bitch lately. In fact, it would not hurt my feelings if we just struck the last week of August from the calendar. It's a hard week, it's the week I buried my husband. This year it's the week a dear friend lost her mother and another dear one her mother-in-law.

It's the week I ran out of money and had to tell my son we couldn't buy groceries. But, he's a trouper, this is how part of the conversation went...

Me: It's hard the last week of the months some months. Sometimes it seems like it takes a while for the universe to provide.

Son: Did you tell the universe we have paypal?

Hey, you can get through anything when your kid makes you smile! I posted that on facebook -we call these snippets of conversation Williamisms-and I got to share with another friend who is also struggling with money issues. 

Being poor is hard work sometimes. No matter what anyone tells you (and I try to not pay attention) poor folks are not living like kings. We are managing as best we can, and we are scared to death most weeks that there will be an emergency. When something breaks, we learn to live without it. When the computer that is your lifeline to the outside world is on its last leg you hold your breath every day. When you lose 270 pounds, you just tighten the elastic and keep wearing the same old clothes. Because that is what poor people do. We just tighten our belts until there is no more space for new notches.

But, it's OK, because there are far more important things in life than things and there are always reasons to smile. My friend with money problems and I got to laugh with each other, because when I posted the Williamism, she shared her struggle. Her last week of August need. She  managed to scrounge up enough money to buy butter and toilet tissue. 

Of course, my  mind immediately smiled,and I got to laugh. Immediately wondering what recipe you could come up with for buttered toilet tissue! Then that reminded me of days working as a cashier and remembering other incongruous items that people bought together.Yes, your cashier might talk about you, but we aren't judging, we are smiling. Like the time the Mayor of our fair city came through my line one Friday afternoon and purchased a couple of bottles of wine and several packages of light bulbs. I admit I did ask what kind of party they were having at the Mayor's house.

So, even though we all struggle, there are always moments to share. The important things in life are always available. A son with a quip, a friend with a story you can smile at.

So, bring it on September. Even if we have to choose whether to buy groceries or pay bills, even if we have to lay hands on the computer and pray it keeps going, we will always be able to find something to make us smile.

"The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it.You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache."~~Marjorie Pay Hinckley.

So, welcome September! I am ready, I will greet you with a laugh and a smile.Be nice, because August just needed to leave, it's not nearly as lovely as you are.

Oh, and if you have a recipe for buttered toilet tissue...

Choices Have Consequences

Today is the anniversary of my husband's death.

My husband was killed by a drunk driver.

Quick, what picture did your mind flash when you read the words 'drunk driver'?

In our case the words 'drunk driver' mean a 22 year old girl. A lovely young woman with her entire life before her. Recently graduated from college, with honors. From all reports, she was a goal oriented, studious college student.She is very close to her family, she goes to church on Sunday. After her May graduation she went to work, as an accountant and moved into her own apartment.

After she got off work Friday night, she reportedly went out with some friends. Young people, enjoying themselves on a Friday night. Laughing, talking, drinking. Then she got into her car to drive home. Her blood alcohol level was around .118, well over the legal limit. In her intoxicated state she drove up a freeway off ramp, past the signs that said WRONG WAY and drove northbound in the southbound lanes for a couple of miles at freeway speeds until she hit my husband's car head on, killing him instantly I am told.

This is on my mind because my friends and I have children in this age group. Children that are stretching their wings. I remember reading somewhere about how a butterfly struggles to exit the cocoon. If we were to help the butterfly, the butterfly would not be able to fly and would die. It seems that the struggle to break free creates the strength necessary to fly. Those of us with growing children know the truth in this. We watch as our children struggle with the silken constraints, and we want so much to help them, but the most we can do is hope that we have taught them right from wrong, and that life is always about choice, and every choice has consequences. We watch our children stretch their wings, and hope they know that there is nothing they can do that will make us stop loving them. We hope they know that when we see them struggle, we will do our best to make sure they learn how to fly.

My husband and I were always very open with our son about our youthful struggles with drugs and alcohol. We felt that since genetics may play a role in addiction, we had a responsibility to tell him our stories. He knows about our 12 step programs, and why we attend. He knows that we celebrate 2 birthdays a year. In fact, he has been quite proud of our milestones over the years. He will tell you that we choose not to use alcohol at our house. He will tell you that we choose not to use illegal drugs at our house. He will tell you these things with pride in his voice, because he knows that in life there is always a choice, and every choice has consequences.

Being a parent is a hard job. We watch our children stretch their wings with such pride and fear. What if we see them struggling, when do we help, how do we help. Have we talked to them about the embarrassing stuff? Kids will groan when the subject turns to sex, drugs, alcohol. They will roll their eyes, but we must tell them anyway.

Do your children know your stories? Do they know that you were their age once, and that you made choices and lived with the consequences of those choices. Sometimes the consequences are benign. You are 22 years old and you choose to celebrate the end of the work week by going out with friends and laughing and talking and having a good time. Since you are choosing to have a drink, you need to have chosen whose turn it is to be the designated driver.

Sometimes the consequences are tragic, and you have too much too drink and you choose to drive drunk, and you drive up the off ramp past the WRONG WAY signs and you kill a man, and nothing is ever the same again.