Find a reason to smile..

It is very difficult to be old, and broke, and struggling at this time of year. It's cold, and dark, and it just seems like troubles are amplified in that darkness. Probably the reason that nearly every faith tradition has some sort of celebration around this time that centers on light.

So, as you go about your days, try to remember to breathe,and relax, because the darkness never lasts forever, and even on a cold dark day something will be worth smiling about.

For example, today was supposed to be high 28 and ZERO percent chance of precipitation. My son and I were going to the grocery store. Our budget is really tight, so some of the things he is used to getting would not be on our list today. It's hard to tell any child "No, we can't afford that" and especially hard to tell an autistic man/child his routine is going to have to give way to budgetary concerns.Add in the weather forecast being wrong, and it starting to snow/sleet/ice as we ran our errands, and I could have been stuck in a bad mood the rest of the week.

But then this happened...


 We came out of the grocery store and the 2 lovely bell ringers were trying to sing "O Holy Night' but they maybe knew the first 3 words, I prompted the next line and they said "Do you know all the words? "I do," I answered, "Start from the beginning and I'll help." So we did,and I sang in my contra-alto, standing in the snow with the lovely sopranos--a crowd gathered and there was applause when we finished. Could be the best day I've had in a while.

Reason to smile, I bet you can find one too if you will be open to allowing yourself to breath and be in the moment.

Peace and Blessings,
EB

 

The Little Things

So, being stressed out to the max, I have noticed that every little thing that occurs seems to add to my stress levels. Every little thing. Things I would shrug off on a normal day now seem to add to my desperation.

I noticed this this morning. I don't walk well, haven't for a long time now. On the days I can walk I occasionally stumble and fall. Not often, but in normal circumstances it wouldn't bother me all that much. It happens. In fact it is such a normal occurrence that my son doesn't even look up anymore. So, why when I stumbled this morning did it just add to my feelings that nothing is ever going to be OK again? And more importantly why does something like that get to live in my head for more than the few moments it took to catch myself and move on?

So, while I was contemplating how hopeless my life feels that even a little thing can cause me to despair it dawned on me that little things should be important in the good times too ,and like many of us I tend to not see them then.

So, here's too the little things that I should be noticing instead...

My son watched The Muppet Movie (the original 1979) a couple of nights ago and not only did he laugh all the way through it, he has been singing the songs ever since. Now that is a beautiful thing.

I have good friends, friends who are generous in their encouragement and support. This is a big thing!I need to acknowledge big things too.

I saw my first fireflies this evening. Here we are on the eve of the summer solstice and sitting at my patio door I looked out and the greenspace behind the building was alive with sparkling lights. Considering we had snow in May, the first fireflies of the summer is something to rejoice!

Fireflies are one of the joys of childhood in the Midwest. For me they represent summers spent with relatives that lived in a different way than we did growing up in Los Angeles. A totally different rhythm of living. Summer vacations at my favorite auntie's house. A time when bad things didn't happen and life wasn't hard.

So, to night I am letting go of the stress for a few minutes and reveling in the beauty of fireflies and the treasure of childhood memories.

Here's to the little things!

Peace and Blessings,
EB


 

How to Survive a Bad Day

So, I had a really bad day yesterday. Whined about it, fretted about it, stressed out about it to t he point that I had trouble sleeping and woke up with a headache. None of these things helped.

I am getting closer to having enough money to take care of the situation with the back taxes and expired car tags. Doing without, living frugally and the kindness of some friends has put about half the money in the bank. So I headed off to pay the rent yesterday feeling like I might get this resolved soon.

Got to the complex office and misjudged how close I was to that concrete thing they put at the front of parking spaces, caught my bumper and pulled it off on one side. So now, the car that I count on for any shred of liberty and independence is not only illegal to drive, the bumper is falling off.

Shouted on facebook asking local friends if they knew anyone who could help fix it, and no one. Worried all night, fix the car and there goes the money for the tag issue, Finally, came up with a temporary solution this morning. Duct tape the bumper and live with it! Ideal solution? Not really, but it is a solution. We don't drive many miles in a week, so it should hold for a bit.

Just waiting for the universe to send the money to take care of both issues!! Trying to distract myself I spent some time reading some things I have written in the past and wouldn't you know it, I have written about worrying a problem!!!

The quote for today is...

Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems.~~Bill Watterson~~

Sometimes when we get a problem in our life we worry that sucker to death. We look at it, and dissect it, and second guess it. Sometimes we make elaborate plans to deal with it. Sometimes we decide to ignore it, and we have to construct wieldy ways of pretending it just isn't there. Like the elephant in the living room, we have to find ways to live around it without acknowledging it. We spend tons and tons of energy without accomplishing anything. Sometimes we just try to hard. Perhaps we need to let our mind just relax, and play for a while. This is not denying a problem, we are aware that there is a problem, we are just allowing our self a time of relaxation, so that we can come back to the problem with renewed energy. Sometimes when we allow ourselves to relax a bit, and we all know this is true, the answer comes to us, seemingly out of the blue. Perhaps, out of the blue, is just us having let go long enough that our higher power could get the message through. Sometimes when we are in crisis worry mode, we make so many plans in our own power, that the answers we have been praying for can't get through. Our Higher Power is calling us, but the line is busy, our inbox is full.

So, no matter what is going on is your life, always, always remember that taking time to relax and take care of yourself is not a selfish act. It is a necessary act for your good and the good of those you love. If I didn't spend my hours meditating and praying, my life would be much more complicated. And we all know my life is way too complicated as it is! So here is to letting go for a few minutes today. Let your mind play, let your spirit relax so that you are able to make the best choices you can from a place of renewed energy. Choose to let go for awhile, it's a good choice.

Peace and Blessings,
EB

p.s. the donate button is to the right, I hate saying that, but you never ever know.

Detour

Lately life is like the lyrics to that old song...

Detour, there's a muddy road ahead, detour
Paid no mind to what it said
Detour, oh these bitter things I find,
Should have read

That detour sign

This week, the words really hit home as we are planning our healing road trip. There really are detours because large sections of the highway we would usually zip north on are closed due to flooding along the Missouri river. Now this flooding started months ago, and really should be clear by  now, but of course, the waters are taking their time to recede.Even after they recede, the road will need extensive repair. So, detour will be the theme of our first day on the road.

But, you know, it kind of seems a fitting way to start the trip. Life has been just one big detour after another for us.Just this morning, my son and I were checking maps and planning our route. Since we love road trips, we came to the conclusion that the worst thing that will happen is that we will see some places we have never seen before. Not an unpleasant outcome.

Last year, we inadvertently became part of a Homecoming celebration in a small southern town because of a detour. It was great fun actually, people were lining the street waiting for the parade to start, and everyone waved as we drove through. Pretty cool detour.

Now, in life, some of the detours aren't that pleasant, but as long as you keep heading forward, you manage to get through them, or around them. That is actually why we are taking this trip, one more step forward in our healing process. In my experience healing has never been a direct route to begin with. How many times have we had the flu and thought we were over it to be sick again a few hours later. Healing is a process. Not always a pleasant process. The fever that indicates our body is attempting to heal itself is often more uncomfortable than the original problem. But, it is something that has to happen, just like the inevitable detours along life's road.

Detours often make you think that you can't get there from here, but that is never true. Detours only mean you can't get there the way you originally planned. The original route has been compromised somehow, the road is underwater, or being constructed, but there is always an alternate route.Will it feel unfamiliar? Yes. Will it take you over roads you haven't previously traveled? Probably. But, as long as you follow the signs it will get you where you need to go, and once in a while you may find yourself being welcomed as part of a celebration you didn't know was taking place, along a road not to nowhere, but a road to recovery.

Just make sure you heed that detour sign!

Relax!

The quote for today is... Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems.~~Bill Watterson~~ Sometimes when we get a problem in our life we worry that sucker to death. We look at it, and dissect it, and second guess it. Sometimes we make elaborate plans to deal with it. Sometimes we decide to ignore it, and we have to construct wieldy ways of pretending it just isn't there. Like the elephant in the living room, we have to find ways to live around it without acknowledging it.We spend tons and tons of energy without accomplishing anything. Sometimes we just try to hard. Perhaps we need to let our mind just relax, and play for a while. This is not denying a problem, we are aware that there is a problem, we are just allowing ourself a time of relaxation, so that we can come back to the problem with renewed energy. Sometimes when we allow ourselves to relax a bit, and we all know this is true, the answer comes to us, seemingly out of the blue. Perhaps, out of the blue, is just us having let go long enough that our higher power could get the message through. Sometimes when we are in crisis worry mode, we make so many plans in our own power, that the answers we have been praying for can't get through. Our Higher Power is calling us, but the line is busy, our inbox is full. So, no matter what is going on is your life, always, always remember that taking time to relax and take care of yourself is not a selfish act. It is a necessary act for your good and the good of those you love. If I didn't spend my hours on the deck meditating and pray8ing, and worshipping, my life would be much more complicated. And we all know my life is way too complicated as it is! So here is to letting go for a few minutes today. Let your mind play, let your spirit relax so that you are able to make the best choices you can froma place of renewed energy. Choose to let go for awhile, it's a good choice. Peace and Blessings, Esther Belle