Breathe, Christmas is Coming

The quote for the day is...
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.~~Erma Bombeck~~

Now, when you read that do not think, oh dear, that is so right. Think, I am a child,I have always been someone's child, and I deserve to believe that I am a beautiful, wonderful, worthwhile individual with so much to offer myself and those I love. The most important things I have to offer have nothing to do with the house being spotless, or the decorations being Martha Stewart worthy, or the Christmas dinner being course after course of delicious. What I have to offer is the heart of a worthwhile person. A heart that knows that I am intelligent, and caring, and worthy of treating myself well. A heart that is able to be a better mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend because I know my value.

Think good things! I can't tell you how many times I have to remind myself of this. Thinking good things will keep me rooted in the now, the present, living in the moment in a way that I can remember that this moment will never come again.  The floors need swept, the dishes need washed,so garner up pleasant thoughts. So grab onto any pleasant thought that passes, store it away in your memory where you can bring it out when you need something to remind that life is good. Something to remind you of all that you are, and all that you can be. There is in every one of us the ability to give beyond reason. To care beyond hope. To love without limit. To reach, stretch, and dream, in spite of your fears. There is in each of us the ability to give beyond reason, and we do so every day when we take time to encourage and uplift each other. The ability to care beyond hope, as we come together to pray and care about the concerns of each, we expect the best outcome beyond the hope of the seen into the hope of the unseen. We love without limit. All of my friends  from around the world who found each other , loving each other through the day no matter what obstacles and challenges come our way. Reach, stretching, dreaming, knowing that there is a place where we can share those dreams and be encouraged to make them come true.Yes, acquire those pleasant thoughts, store them up, use them liberally to remember, that life indeed is good, and so are you!!

Take time today to rest, even though you have things to do. Take some time to get at least a few moments with yourself, and remind yourself that a confident, loving smile is worth more than anything you can possibly accomplish today. Remind yourself that when we wake up on Christmas morning we are all someone's child, and relax and enjoy the day, no matter the circumstances. CHOOSE to believe in yourself, CHOOSE to hear only the truth about yourself from yourself and others, CHOOSE to remember who you are and nothing else can take that wonder away from the day. Relax, refresh your spirit, and wake up Christmas morning with the eyes and heart of a child!

Peace and Blessings,
 EB


P.S. I dislike doing this but there is a paypal button over there,just in case. I told a friend once who was embarrassed about asking for help that if we don't make our needs known how does anyone ever know we have needs.The William and I are struggling,and just as embarrassed I am pointing out the button.We are continually blessed.

Courage

Today's quote...
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.~~Ambrose Redmoon
~~

We are each of us some of the most courageous people I know. We get up every day and judge that no matter what we may fear we have the mental or moral strength to venture out, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty- so we set forth on our day. What? you may be saying. I don't do that , I just get up and get ready for work, or to take care of my family. Well, when we choose to get up when the alarm goes off we are preparing to VENTURE forth into a new day.We have no idea what that day will bring, perhaps it will be a routine day, or perhaps we will stumble into a grand and glorious miracle or a difficult obstacle, and yet we Venture forth. 

Each of us has some challenge in our lives, and we never know what challenges the people we are interacting with through the day are dealing with, and yet we PERSEVERE in the face of those challenges. Whether we are dealing with health issues, mind issues, or spirit issues, we choose to go about our day and accomplish what needs to be accomplished we are persevering in the face of difficulty.

From the time we choose to put our foot on the floor and get out of bed, until we lay our heads down to sleep, there is always an element of danger in our lives; and yet, we put those thoughts behind us and WITHSTAND DANGER as we climb stairs, drive on the freeway, go through the kitchen without eating the brownies. We overcome our FEARS, navigate the DIFFICULTY in every day and go through our lives caring for our family, or work, our homes, our friends, ourselves. Ah, there is an issue, do we have the courage to care for ourself? We must, for when we CHOOSE to care for ourself, our courage grows and we are better able to care for all of those others.

WOW, what an incredible person of courage you are. Look in the mirror, you will see that not only are you beautiful, you are strong and courageous!! I am humbled by each of you!!

Peace and Blessings,

Begin Right Here

The quote for today is... The journey begins right here. In the middle of the road. Right beneath your feet. This is the place. There is no other place. There is no other time.~~David Whyte~~ We are who we are, where we are, and our journey can only begin right there. We can not put off living life until we attain whatever circumstances we think is ideal for the beginning of the journey. Every step we take is a step away from where we used to be, so as much as we may think that we can put off living life to the fullest until we are _______(fill in the blank, thin enough, rich enough,old enough, etc.)The only thing we manage to put off is the wonderful opportunities that await us as we head off on our journey. I have a friend who has lost 100 pounds, and still has a couple of hundred to lose. She said the other day that one of her goals is to be able to wear a dress. She thinks that she has to be a 'certain' size to wear a dress, so for the last 20 plus years she has made excuses to not go to events where she would have felt out of place in her jeans and oversized shirts. When I hear her say things like that, I weep. She has spent so much time missing out on wonderful events because she thinks she is not worthy of dressing a certain way.The journey begins right where we are, there is no other place we can be, so we can not let our fears, founded or unfounded keep us waiting until we get over there before we allow ourselves to live life to the fullest. Because the truth is we can not get over there unless we step out from where we are. So, whatever it is that you have been putting off until you lose weight, do it now. We are not the numbers on the scale, we are not the size on a tag in our clothing. We are wonderfully deserving beautiful women who deserve to experience the very best in life.In order to experience the very best in life we have to live.Now. In this place, in this time. Peace and Blessings, EstherBelle

Of Course You Can

Today's quote...
We were all given the same amount of spirit. None more, none less. The difference between individuals is allowing the Spirit to have more of you.~~Bear Heart~~

Whenever you read a weight loss success story on the internet, or in a magazine, the person who has reached their goal will usually say something like "If I can do it, anyone can do it." I know that when some of us read that they sometimes think that doesn't include them, but the truth is that not one of those people sharing their success story has more spirit, or drive, or motivation, or discipline than the rest of us. So, if I can do it you can do it, is actually true.

BUT, first we have to give ourselves over to learning the truth about who we are, and discovering that we are a person of worth, and learning that we CAN do anything we set our minds to do. Yes, sometimes our challenges might be more than someone else, sometimes the obstacles in our way can be daunting. But inside each of us is that place where the truth has been replaced by untruths over the years, and we need to capture each one of those untruths and replace it with the truth.
Takes work on our part sometimes, but every time we think a negative thought that we aren't worthy of the best in life we need to stop, ask ourselves if that is true, tell ourselves that it isn't true and replace it with a true thought.

Every time we hear in our head that we aren't smart enough, or good enough, or pretty enough, we need to say stop, that is not true, the truth is I am smart enough, I am good enough, I am beautiful. I am a person of great worth, and I deserve to treat myself well. It is a choice we can make, and when we believe that we deserve to treat ourselves well, we will make the best choices we can to become healthier in our mind, body, and spirit. When we become used to making the choices that make us the best we can be, then it will become easier to work towards our healthy bodies, because we are worth it!! Treat yourself well today, no one deserves it more.

Peace and Blessings,
EB


p.s. I am still a bit short on the money to fix my car, so if your spirit leads you there is a paypal button to the right. Forgive me for needing to mention it. 

Halloween,oh my!!

<><> <><>

It was a beautiful sunrise here in the heartland. Because Daylight Savings time lasts longer this year I get an extra week of sunrise meditations. With the clock going back on Sunday, I may not get up early enough for sunrise for a while. I can't remember a Halloween with such nice weather. Usually it is cold and wet, a few years ago we got a huge snowstorm, still referred to as the October Surprise by weather forecasters around here. The trick or treaters will actually get to show off their costumes rather than hide them under winter coats this year. Halloween chills and thrills are fun for some, but for others it is simply the harbinger of a time of year fraught with difficulty. The holiday season draws nigh!!!! It is amazing isn't it how many emotions get stirred up in us as the holiday season draws near. There are those of us who had less than functional families growing up, and this time of year always seems to be a time when family dynamics can be trying at best, and downright dangerous in some instances. I remember the first Christmas stocking I ever had. I was a freshman in college, and in conversations with a new friend, it came out that we didn't have pleasant holidays in my family. I loved hearing the stories told by my friend Lizzie of the traditions of her family. Christmas stockings were important to her family, so much so that her stocking was being sent to her to hang in her dorm room before she took it home with her for Christmas. When the package came, there were two stockings. The one she had treasured all of her life, and a brand new one for me. As alien as the concept of loving family was to me, the concept of a non loving family was even more alien to her, and she had asked her family to make me a stocking. I visited her home several times over four years of college. Stopped off at her parents house a few times in my travels as an adult. I will always remember that they taught me about Christmas. So when I became a mother, I purposed in my heart to create traditions for my son. There was just the two of us for the first 12 years of his life, and we created wonderful traditions. Then I met my husband, and we  adapted some of our traditions into family traditions. We have pizza on Christmas Eve because I was too tired from working at the store to cook, so my son is in charge of Christmas Eve. He cooks the pizza and serves us. While I am at work he bakes 2 batches of cookies. One batch is a recipe he has baked every year since middle school, and then he combs the holiday magazines for a new recipe to try. Christmas morning my son opens presents, there usually aren't any for the 'grownups' we spend the money on my son. I fix biscuits and gravy for breakfast, and we go to the movies in the afternoon.We come home and have our dinner, ham and wild rice dressing. I am not sure how that came to be our tradition, but it has been since my son was small. Traditions can be created where there were none. Traditions can be changed when the original traditions no longer fit, traditions can be thrown out the window when they simply aren't good for us to continue them. We can choose to make healthier traditions. Do we usually cook too many things that are tempting? Try new recipes. Yes, stick to those one or tow things that you have to have, but honestly, we all cook things that no one will miss. Think about what goes into the fridge as leftovers. Maybe that's a dish that can be changed. Not only can we change the things we cook, but if there are issues that come up for us in this emotional time of year, we can change how we think about them. If there are expectations from others that aren't in our best interest, we can choose to not feel like we are letting someone down. Our well being is our concern, and we are not dishonoring anyone, or disrespecting anyone when we choose to honor our needs and respect our choices. Choose to take care of you! YOU are then better able to take care of the ones you love. Do something spectacular for yourself today, choose to not let the candy dishes take control. Choose to be in control of what you eat. Peace and Blessings, EstherBelle

Relax!

The quote for today is... Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems.~~Bill Watterson~~ Sometimes when we get a problem in our life we worry that sucker to death. We look at it, and dissect it, and second guess it. Sometimes we make elaborate plans to deal with it. Sometimes we decide to ignore it, and we have to construct wieldy ways of pretending it just isn't there. Like the elephant in the living room, we have to find ways to live around it without acknowledging it.We spend tons and tons of energy without accomplishing anything. Sometimes we just try to hard. Perhaps we need to let our mind just relax, and play for a while. This is not denying a problem, we are aware that there is a problem, we are just allowing ourself a time of relaxation, so that we can come back to the problem with renewed energy. Sometimes when we allow ourselves to relax a bit, and we all know this is true, the answer comes to us, seemingly out of the blue. Perhaps, out of the blue, is just us having let go long enough that our higher power could get the message through. Sometimes when we are in crisis worry mode, we make so many plans in our own power, that the answers we have been praying for can't get through. Our Higher Power is calling us, but the line is busy, our inbox is full. So, no matter what is going on is your life, always, always remember that taking time to relax and take care of yourself is not a selfish act. It is a necessary act for your good and the good of those you love. If I didn't spend my hours on the deck meditating and pray8ing, and worshipping, my life would be much more complicated. And we all know my life is way too complicated as it is! So here is to letting go for a few minutes today. Let your mind play, let your spirit relax so that you are able to make the best choices you can froma place of renewed energy. Choose to let go for awhile, it's a good choice. Peace and Blessings, Esther Belle

Weight Loss Scares the Heck out of some!

Today's quote…
Fear is the mindkiller~~Bene Gesserit mantra in Dune~~

A dear friend once asked me a question about fear. She very courageously admitted to having fears. Fear of losing weight, fear of exercise. Among others I am sure. Then she asked me if I had these types of fears on my weight loss journey. I think a prayer book is an awesome idea, I am a big proponent of journaling, and listing the fears that she would like her Higher Power to help her shed is what I call prayer journaling. So, this morning I was thinking about her questions as part of my meditations. Here are some of my thoughts. I do not mean to cause pain for anyone; if something I write hits close to home and causes you hurt I am truly sorry.

We are all different, and I personally believe that some of our thinking about size is based on when we became overweight. I weighed 5 pounds the day I was born. At my 3 week check-up the baby book indicates that I weighed 15 pounds. I have always thought it must be different to have always had weight issues versus those that acquired this weight later in life. In many cases I would think we are overweight for different reasons.

If you are someone who started gaining weight after a trauma such as abuse, then you are perhaps using the weight to your advantage. The weight becomes a place of safety in your sub conscious. Your thinking may have become that as long as you have this padding, or insulation between you and the outside world, no one can get close enough to hurt you again. So perhaps out of a fear of intimacy you have learned to see the weight as a fortress that you have built between you and the outside world. The thing about fortresses is that they protect us, but they also can imprison us.

Perhaps you use the weight as a reason to not step out and go for your dreams. After all, you are fat, who would hire you, listen to you, appreciate you. Or maybe you hang on to the weight because it gives you a way to put off dealing with some very scary issues. You will buy new clothes when you lose the weight, you will try new things, when you lose the weight. So the weight becomes the thing that is standing between you and happiness. When the truth of the matter is losing weight can’t make you happy, and deep down you know that, so you hang on to the weight. All of these things are fear based responses. Fear has warped our senses, our thinking, and our knowledge of who we are and what is true about us.

How much of our life do we lose when we let fear take away from us? How many opportunities, how many friendships, have never had the chance to come to fruition because fear of what someone might think, or fear of what might happen has kept us from being the women we are meant to be? FEAR is the mindkiller. It will cause us to think and believe the wrong things. Now there are 2 basic types of fear. There is the fear response that helps us in dangerous situations. This fear is a good thing. It raises our heart rate, gives us strength. This is the fear that helps a 100 pound grandma pull her grandbaby out of a burning house. I am not talking about that fear. I am talking about the fear that keeps us from applying for a better job, or going to a party, or going to the doctor because we are afraid of what people are going to think of us, or we are afraid that we are not good enough, or we are afraid it is going to hurt. This fear messes up our thinking, it is the mindkiller. This is the fear that causes us to not join weight watchers because I've tried to lose weight before, and it never works. This is the fear that causes us to dress like old ugly women, because I am fat and don't deserve pretty clothes. This is the fear that keeps us from going out to dinner or to the doctor because the tests are going to hurt. WE DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS TYPE OF THINKING!!!!

The truth is when we go out in public, most of the time nobody cares what we look like, especially when it is evident that we don't care. The truth is the doctor has seen fatter women. The truth is that NO ONE ever died from a mammogram or from seeing a therapist to do the work necessary to heal from the hurts we are hiding from. These things hurt once in a while, yes, but just for a moment, and the fear of a moment’s pain can cause us years of pain. How much sense does that make? Fear can not and should not win. Losing weight can’t make me smarter, richer, or happier. Losing weight can only make me healthier, and if I choose to learn to heal the hurts and to live in the moment as I lose weight, then and only then will losing weight make me anything but a smaller size. . We must learn to be strong, and learn that we can look fear in the eye and say "You can not win" You can not rob me of my life, my health, and my opportunities. I CHOOSE to proceed in the face of fear.

Just a Big Ol' Girl

When I was growing up it wasn't a given that little girls would go to college and become anything they wanted to be.My father, in fact, forbid me to go to college. But, I couldn't remember a time when I didn't know that learning was my way out of a bad place.So, I schemed, and I worked out a way to get to college. See, my father was from a time when girls got married and had babies, he couldn't IMAGINE a world where girls didn't have a baby until they were in their 30's, or didn't get married until they were almost 50. But, I could.Other people's imaginations have nothing to do with your reality!


Sometimes I am my own worst enemy, we all can probably lay claim to that. I look at my circumstances, and I get frightened. I fail to see what others see in me, and so I occasionally need reminders that my reality is mine, and that even though things are hard right now, they won't always be this hard.


One of my issues is weight. Now I am just a 'big ol' girl'- as one of my four year old friends once described me. It's OK to be a 'big ol' girl' as long as you are working on being healthy. I am never going to be my cute little sister (oy, I can feel the email coming!) for one thing I am nearly a foot taller than her. For another, I have always been overweight, always. It is as much a part of me as my size 12 feet, my eyes that change color, and my blue fingernails-oh wait the fingernails is another story!


I do not have a major problem with my size, which I think you might have figured out from the title of my blog. I eat well, I exercise as much as I can, and I try to take care of myself. YES, I have some serious health issues, but not ONE of them was caused by my weight struggles.

I was thin one day in my life. It was June 28, 19mumble-mumble.The day I was born I weighed 5 lbs. 2 ozs, and was 23 inches long. A tall, s-k-i-n-n-y baby girl. My baby book lists my weight at my 3 week check-up as 15 lbs. APPARENTLY I got born and discovered that there are truly calories in the air just waiting for me to breath them in.

I have always been the Giant economy size in a trial sized world. Not an easy task as a child, but I got better at it as time goes by. I had to suffer through the well meaning mistakes of parents, friends, even doctors before I was able to decide things on my own. I remember being put on a diet at 6 years old. The doctor prescribed diet pills, which back in the 50's were as we all know,pure speed, methamphetamine. They didn't work, I stayed larger than the average child, but was very likely helped towards my abuse of drugs and alcohol a few years later.

Back in the 50's kids like me were an anomaly. I really was THE fat girl in my elementary school days. I was a giant compared to all of the other little girls, and there were some Moms in the neighborhood who would not allow their children to play with me. I was this freak of nature, and they were afraid that their kids would get hurt. I have forgiven them. My dad decided that vigorous exercise was not good for me, he was truly afraid that I might have a heart attack or something. Amazing the things that we didn't know then. My dad was honestly trying to protect me.

We have learned so much about nutrition and healthy eating since then. I remember seeing a Cook book from the late 1950's. In it was a chapter on dieting. It said you must never let the dieter feel full or satisfied. Honest, that is what it said. Apparently those of us with the genetic make-up to gain weight easier must be punished. Thankfully we have come far since then. Now we know that it is never about NOT eating, it is about learning to eat well, to come into a healthy relationship with food, and exercise to keep our bodies as healthy as we can.

So yesterday I went to my Weight Watchers  meeting. Now I am a long time Weight Watchers member, have lost over 150 pounds with the WW program and recommend it highly.You should feel free to look into it if you wish. I participated in the Weight Watchers 5K on Sunday, and posted here about that. So yesterday at our meeting, exercise was the topic.Actually the excuses we all use to not exercise was the topic. Towards the end of the meeting, my leader, the amazing Jenny, asked me to speak about my health challenges and why I thought participating was so important to me. Now, I am NEVER shy about speaking in public. [if you need a  motivational speaker, let me know!!] so I shared a bit. 

As the meeting ended and I  made my way to my car, several members stopped me and thanked me. They told me I was an inspiration. "Thank you," I said, "but I am just a fat lady with a walker." It is humbling to be told that your struggles inspire someone else.I have had a chance to think about what they said to me, and isn't that what a storyteller does? So, thank you, if I can inspire you to think about getting healthier along with me I am grateful.If I can help you realize that your reality is not limited by anyone else's opinion, or anyone's imagination but your own, then I am truly thankful. Life is one choice after another, and if sharing some of my choices, the good, the bad, the ugly, inspires someone else to think about the choices they are making, then I have the inspiration I need to continue sharing. I hope I can help you imagine a world where you are all you want to be.

This is me and my WW leader, the amazing Jenny at last year's WW5K walk. She truly inspires me, and I thank her for that often!!

Peace and Blessings,

The Fat Lady!

But, you don't understand....

Back when I used to travel around giving motivational talks to women's groups (something I would love to do again!) I would talk about how you can overcome any obstacle and work towards your goals. Now a lot of times I would be talking to weight loss groups. See, I have weighed as much as 490 pounds in my life, and recently only weighed 251 pounds. So, I know a lot about weight loss. I have lost over 150 pounds 9 times in the last 25 years. Oh yes, I am the QUEEN of weight loss, I have just never quite mastered how to keep it off until recently. I am a work in progress.

But I digress...
I would talk about overcoming and dreaming and working towards your goals, and then I usually was able to take questions. INVARIABLY the first person whose hand went up started off by saying "But you don't understand how hard my life is. I can't...[fill in the blank with positive action] because...[fill in the blank with life complication]..."
My answer to those kinds of issues was usually something along the lines of "Find us a blackboard and we will write your problems on one side and my problems on the other side and I guarantee my list is longer." Now that was not said to make the person feel bad for me, it was said to make the person stop and think. Because my next question would be "What one step can you take even though your life is complicated?" Because there just aren't enough complications in life to keep you from taking a step. It doesn't matter what size step you are able to take, it only matters that you can take a step.As I have often said, every step you take, large or small,any direction, is a step AWAY from where  you used to be.Even if a step takes you backwards, it is away from where you are. Sometimes we need to go back to find our way.

So, are you telling me that I don't have to tackle my problems all at once? I just have to take one step? Yes, that is what I am telling you.One step is all you have to take. The problem that a lot of us have is that we are perfectionists. Do you know someone who procrastinates? they are probably a perfectionist. Perfectionists often have an all or nothing mentality, if they can't do it all perfectly they would rather not do anything. A lot of women with weight issues-men too, I suppose, but I've never been a man so I can't speak to that-a lot of women with weight issues fall into that perfectionist category. We see it over and over.

We set a day in the near future-next Monday-when we are going to start our new diet. We will be making all the right choices, and we will not give into temptation one time.Then, we get excited, and we make plans for how we are going to never go back to our old ways. Then Monday comes-it's a law that diets start on Monday, right?- and we manage to get through a day or two, maybe even a week or two, but inevitably we break one of our RULES and we feel defeated. So then, with our all or nothing thinking we give up. Then we beat ourselves up emotionally and spiritually, because we aren't able to stick to some arbitrary plan. We are failures.

Except we're not. We aren't failures, we have just failed to plan for success.We have in our heads all of these wrong thinking ideas. We think that we are second class citizens, not deserving of the very best in life because our weight doesn't match the numbers on some chart, or we don't wear the same size dress as some photoshopped air brushed model. We think that if we did reach that mythical weight, or size, everything in our lives would magically change. Our hard life will become easy. When the truth is we will just have starved our body into submission for a bit. We find that life is still hard, and that means we didn't do it perfectly, so we stop doing it at all, and we gain the weight back.

What we really need to learn is that we are not the enemy, food is not the enemy. The wrong ideas that we latch onto are the enemy. So, we must come to that place where we choose to let go of the thinking that keeps us prisoners to the all or nothing thinking. We can learn that we have choices, and that we can use those choices to take the steps necessary to come into a more balanced, loving view of ourselves. We have the choice to take that one step, even though our life is complicated.

When we choose to believe that we are worthy, and we choose to take a step, we have truly started a journey to wellness and wholeness. A place where we can come into a healthy relationship with food, a healthy relationship with our bodies, and with ourselves.A place where we know that even if we stumble along the way, we can choose to take that step again.We can do it, it isn't easy, but we can find our path to wellness. One choice, one step at a time.

What did you want to be when you grew up?

What did you want to be when you grew up? I would think that answer would depend a lot on when and where that growing up was taking place. I have cousins who were married at 14 and 15. Now you see why my dad thought I was an old maid.

Did you want to be a cowboy, a fireman, an astronaut, a doctor or nurse, a teacher? Did you want to be a rock star, or a movie star?

I knew a little girl once who wanted to be a 'cowgirl ballerina'. She and her mom would stop at the store after her dance class, and there she was, 5 years old in her leotard and tu-tu with her pink sequined cowboy boots on. She was a lovely little girl, very brave. She would run in through the front doors looking for me to show me her newest dance step. I always, no matter how busy I was, took a moment to go through the ballet positions with her. I wonder what that looked like to the people who would watch us. At the time I weighed over 450 pounds, and here I was practicing ballet positions with a little girl in pink sequined cowboy boots. I heard the laughs, and a remark or two, but I would always make sure that I was laughing with my little friend so she didn't hear them.

Now, my little 'cowgirl ballerina' had a  Mom who was not a believer. She would say silly things like "You can't be both" or "Only skinny girls become ballerinas". My little 'cowgirl ballerina' knew that her Mom didn't believe in her dreams. She was very surprised when I thought being a 'cowgirl ballerina' was an excellent idea. Almost as surprised as those looking on were to see me doing the ballet steps .But we paid them no mind and we practised our ballet positions twice a week.

What did you want to be when you grew up? Did you have someone in your life to tell you that you could be whatever you wanted to be, or did you have someone who told you that there was no such thing as a 'cowgirl ballerina'?

If you were surrounded by the unfortunate people who were not believers, I am so very sorry. They were wrong, you know.They were acting out of their own lack of knowledge, because they never met someone who told them the truth. And that is very sad. But, I truly believe that people do the best they can, that they often just don't know any better and that if they knew better they would do better. I honestly believe that, and so I am able to forgive those who didn't believe. But, I am telling you that it wasn't true. Whatever reason they gave that led you to believe that you couldn't be anything you wanted, was not true. No one ever told them any better.

Sometimes we are lucky to have families of believers. Sometimes we have to meet believers in the grocery store after dance class. Sometimes we have to simply be our own believers. Yeah, I know, you are all grown up now, so what's the use. Hah! It is never too late to start dreaming. Never. You can be whatever you want to be when you grow up. It might be a little more challenging the older you get, but never impossible. I'll bet you anything google can find you a pair of pink sequined cowboy boots!

So, what do you want to be when  you grow up? Me, I want to practice ballet steps with a cowgirl ballerina.

Never SAY Never

Words. We can use them in so many ways. We can use them to build up or we can use them to tear down. One of the ways we use them to our detriment is in a way that we don't even notice we are doing. I call these words 'invisible vows' and usually we are trying to protect ourselves when we use these words.  I think of Scarlett O'Hara, tired and dirty Swearing to the world and herself  "As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again!" Those words altered the way she lived, altered the choices she made in life, caused her to makes choices based on her need to make sure she got ahead no matter who she had to step on to get there.

Now,most of us don't go as far as Scarlett did in our quest to keep ourselves safe. But we make these types of vows regularly, most of the time unaware of them. We make choices in our lives that aren't always in our best interest. If after we have lived through the bad choice we tell ourselves "I'll never let anyone hurt me like that again." That sounds like a good thing. Unless, that vow keeps us from letting anyone get close to us. We build a wall to hide behind so that no one can get in, because if we let someone in then we are vulnerable to being hurt.The only way to keep from getting hurt is to keep from being vulnerable. But then no one gets close enough to us to love us. So now we start to think that no one loves us because we are unlovable.

Some of us use our weight as a wall to hide behind. It is true that in our culture we often become invisible the more we weigh. So we build this wall that keeps us safe. Except it keeps us safe by keeping us imprisoned. We start to believe that we have no worth. We start to believe that we deserve less than the best the world has to offer. We then start to treat ourselves as undeserving.

One of the great paradoxes in our lives is that SELF ESTEEM is often based on our perception of what others think of us. I believe the world uses our estimation of our worth as the yardstick by which it measures us. If we see ourselves as unworthy, unlovable then the world will accept that estimation and treat us accordingly.

So, the words that replay themselves in our heads have built up a wall that imprisons us and keeps us from connecting with the world around us.As we learn to replace those words we can use new words to tear down those walls. When an old tape starts to play in our head we can literally say STOP! Say it out loud if you have to. Say STOP! Ask yourself it thats' the truth, and erase the old words and replace them with the truth. So if we are kept from stepping out because in our Head we hear "You can't do that, you're fat." We say "STOP! That is not true. Being overweight is not a character flaw, I deserve to experience the best in life." We can do this, over and over and erase all of those old vows. We can learn the truth. We are beautiful, deserving, worthy children of Most High. It takes work, but we can tear down those walls.We are worth the hard work!

Be good to you

The thought for today...

"We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our worst enemies."~~Roderick Thorp~~

I saw this in my newspaper this morning, and immediately knew it was worth using. I all to often will be critical of myself. I am learning to use the webcam on my new laptop. I have never made a video of myself , and it is something I can use to communicate with the ladies that post to my daily Weight Watcher's message board thread, my friends on facebook, and when I get it down, even here on my blog. So I am looking at my first effort, and I am picking it to pieces when this quote came to mind.

I am sure we are all guilty of this. Something doesn't work for me and I think "Oh my God I am such an idiot." or "I screw up everything." The truth is I am not an idiot, and I don't screw up EVERYTHING. More importantly, I would never say to a friend "You are such an idiot." I also said to myself this morning watching the video, "You look like crap."  Now is there ANYONE I would say that too? NO! So I must stop saying that to myself.

Become our own best friend. When we hear negative things in our head, or like me when I say it out loud, we must STOP. We must think, what would I say to Diana, or Cheryl. What would you say to EstherBelle? Now, say those things to your self. Start believing those things about yourself. Treat yourself as a trusted, loved friend . Start believing things like "I deserve to be treated well.", "I am a great friend not only to others but to myself."

Extend the hand of friendship, to others, but most importantly to you!

Peace and Blessings,
EstherBelle

Who Am I?

OK, Here I am struggling with some issues that I shouldn't be struggling with. Issues I have dealt with over and over again. So, I beat myself up a little, I know better. But, I do it. The question goes deeper than why do I do this, the question becomes who am I?

I start my day with centering prayers and meditations. It helps me to meet the challenges of my day. I use several sources for things to meditate on. I use a daily reflection from Sunshine Cathedral.It's from a publication titled Spirit and Truth. I also use Meditations with Native American Elders:The Four Seasons by Don L. Coyhis.This is a book of meditations for learning to walk the Red Road. This is the path I have chosen for my healing journey.I also use the Sacred literature-Scriptures of my Christian traditions. More often than not, they work together on the issue that I need to be working on. Spirit is very good at working things to my benefit like that. But, then I get down to it, and I get fearful. I slide back into old habits, and I know better.

Who am I? The problem is I don't know anymore.

I know who I have been. I know how I became those women, but I don't know who I am anymore, and that is a problem. Since I am not who I used to be, I need to figure out who I am in order to go forward. I need to figure out how to become who I am supposed to be.


I have been lots of different people in my lifetime. I have grown and matured and changed over the years. I have used prayer and meditation to seek my Higher Power and to attempt to let go of my self will and live Most High's will for my life. As I walk the Red road I use wisdom found in nature, in the medicine wheel, and wisdom from the elders. Our lives grow in seasons, and we may be in a spring season as it snows outside.But we can learn from nature, and the Medicine Wheel and the elders no matter what season we are in. Every season has lessons for us.  I find myself in a winter season of life right now.

In the winter season we often find ourselves lost. Our identity is gone and we seek a new one. According to the elders, in the winter season we are faced with three questions. Who am I, why am I, and where am I going? As we seek the answers to these questions we will learn and grow and transform ourselves once again. So here I am, who am I?

I am totally aware that I have been feeding the wrong hunger the last week or so. I know that in feeding the wrong hunger, I have been sabotaging myself, keeping me from becoming who I am supposed to be. I gave into the fear, and fear is the mindkiller.

When I was growing up I was an outsider looking in. I didn't fit in with my family, my circumstances or my neighborhood.I didn't fit physically, mentally, or spiritually. I needed to learn, I studied everything.Knowledge was my downfall and my future. Everybody called me "the smart one", which sounds positive, but in my family it was an insult. It was said in a way that I knew it was not acceptable. But I had no other way to be. I was Esther, the smart one, who was also the fat one, the big one that nobody understood, or cared to get to know. I wanted to be my little sister, the cute one, the one who had a nickname, who was allowed to sit in laps and be hugged.But, I was Esther, and nobody wanted to hug me.

 I learned to accept that that was who I was. Esther spent her time learning and applying that knowledge to the world around her. She kept her own counsel, and built walls to keep the pain contained. Fortunately, Spirit put people in my life to teach me about love. I lived for the summers, we would come to Kansas City and stay with my father's favorite sister, My Aunt Emma. My auntie was an amazing woman, she loved all of us. If we were family, especially those few of us who were 'black sheep' for whatever reason, she loved us. So I could make it through the rest of the year, because I knew that at least in the summer, someone who loved me would be there. There were other people, a friend of my brother. They were in boot camp together, and he was from the Navajo nation, and the reservation was too far for him to go, so he came to our house when they had leave. He talked to me, and more importantly he listened to me. He talked to me about his traditions, and walking the Red Road. He taught me that I was strong, and that our Creator loved me. My third grade teacher, Mrs. Schultz. She saw greatness in me, and never let a day go by that she didn't tell me that. I visited her even after I was in junior high, and we were friends for the rest of her life, we wrote when I went off to college, and I visited her when I came back during breaks. She was my great friend and my greatest encourager. These all called me Esther Belle. I was named after my Mother and my Aunt Emma. Emma Esther Belle, and so Auntie called me Esther Belle. That was the name and the 'me' I associated with love.

When I became a mother, loving and advocating for my special needs child was who I was. Again I was able to use my intellect to solve problems and educate myself and others about my son's needs. I loved being Ms. Jones, William's Mom. Ms. Jones was able to love her son and to also love other children in the neighborhood. They needed someone to love them enough to set boundaries and hold them to those boundaries. Children do not like being out of control. This lesson applies to the child in us when we are in our winter changing seasons. We do not like being out of control, and so part of learning who we are is learning what our boundaries are. Boundaries are not the walls I built to protect me from pain. Boundaries are the paths I walk, the bricks I place to get me Brick by Brick down the path on my healing journey.

Then Ms. Jones was walking down the street one day.It was a beautiful day. The kind of spring day that we wish they all could be. Bright sunshine, about 60 degrees. I had been to a meeting and after my friend dropped me off I remembered that William needed something for school the next day. It was the perfect day for a walk, so I decided I would walk to the neighborhood store. As I was walking down the street I looked up and this tall thin man was cutting across the street diagonally. He was going to end right in front of me. My mind immediately started searching for a reason, but this was not someone I knew. He walked up to me and said "I have been trying to get up the nerve to talk to you for six months. You're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." I laughed. It definitely was not a pick up line I had ever heard before. But when I laughed I saw his eyes, and he meant it! "Excuse me?" was all I could say. He said it again, "I've been trying to get up the nerve to talk to you. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." I am still kind of speechless, and I say "Thank you, I guess." He goes on to explain that he lives at the bottom of the hill and he sees me walk my son to the school bus every day. He has tried a couple of times to speak to me, but he was too nervous. But when he saw me walking down the street today he told himself it was now or never, and he crossed the street. I was prepared to continue walking, but he kept talking. He told me how he had just got out of rehab 4 days earlier, and that he was on his way home from putting in job applications. Well, I had been clean and sober for 16 years and the friend of Bill W. in me wouldn't let me just ignore him. I told him I had to go to the store, but if he was still in the park at the end of the street when I got back I would talk to him. He was there, we talked for 2 hours that afternoon, and every day after that.

Such a simple act, crossing the street. No big deal. But in that simple act of walking across the street the world would never be the same. In that moment our lives became eternally joined, entwined. We would never again make a decision without discussing it or considering the impact it would have on the other one.We would never again think of ourselves as Bill or EstherBelle. From that moment on we were BillandEstherBelle.

So, I must learn to be EstherBelle again, or just Belle as my husband and friends came to call me, or maybe EB the nickname my friends use. I must learn that  I need not be afraid to go forward. I must stop allowing my fear of the unknown keep me from sculpting my bricks and making my path as I journey to wholeness. I have some genetic dispositions that are obstacles. I am genetically predisposed to gaining weight and holding on to weight. In prehistoric times I was the survival of the species. But this is 2011, and the extra layer of fat is no longer necessary for survival. As I get close to the numbers changing on the scale, I must not fear the things that come my way. I must not fear men paying attention to me, I must not fear jealousy from others. I must embrace the new me, a me that has not weighed less than 250 pounds since she was a child. I must stop sabotaging my weight loss journey and work to be in control of my eating and choose to joyfully discover what being a normal healthy weight feels like.

I am genetically predisposed to depression and alcoholism. I must not let that determine who I am. I do not allow the pain of my physical diseases win, so I must apply the same intent and purpose to overcoming the pain of my mental health issues. I am going to celebrate a really major milestone in a few days. On January 19 I will have been clean and sober for 30 years. As I choose one day at a time to not use drugs and alcohol to mask the pain, I must also choose to not use the most widely available mood altering drug-food-to mask the pain either. I must choose to come into a healthy relationship with food. Allowing food to be what it was meant to be and nothing more.

I must choose to be who I am supposed to be, as I spend this winter season of my life pondering the answer to that question.To ponder is to consider something deeply and thoroughly; meditate; to weigh carefully in the mind. Pondering for me is to find the answers and apply them to my life as I become who I am supposed to be.

Who am I? I don't know yet. But, as I continue to sculpt the bricks, and to choose to not give in to the fear I will find out.The fears used to blind and bind me for years, and now they only blind me for a few days. That is victory along the journey. It will be an amazing healing journey through the season of darkness, and of course Spring should follow.

Who am I? Not sure, but I think I will love her into existence.

Peace and Blessings,

EstherBelle a.k.a EB

Just a Little Effort

 My son and I were in the kitchen a few minutes ago. As he went to put something in the trash he got too close to the orange tree and got poked by a 4 inch thorn.He said he was OK, and then remarked that not everyone has an 8 foot tall orange tree in their kitchen.Had to agree with him there! So how does a family living in the midwest end up with an orange tree in the kitchen? Well, orange trees don't do well in cold weather, so while the tree lives on the deck most of the year, it comes inside for the winter.

In about 4th grade,my son stuck a seed from an orange he was eating in a pot of dirt. Wasn't even good dirt, but it was sitting there, an empty pot of dirt, because the plant had died.So this young boy, whom Most High had blessed with autism, stuck an orange seed in a pot of dirt, and Mom did not have the strength to tell him it wouldn't grow.Of course this leads me to the quote for the day...

 

No man ever wetted clay and then left it, as if there would be bricks by chance and fortune.
Plutarch

 

 

My son  put that seed in that little pot of dirt, because we had recently had a lesson on growing things. In his 'Sesame Street Treasury' books, there was a hands on lesson about growing things, so we had suspended the avocado seed in the jar with the toothpicks, we had planted the sweet potato, and then he took the orange seed and put it in the little pot of dirt. Now he did not leave it at that. NO, he faithfully watered and tended his little garden, and I'll be darned if something didn't sprout up. He nurtured it through the winter, and by spring, there was a little orange tree about 4 inches tall sitting on my desk.

 

Now, by this time my son had grown weary of growing things. Not much attraction there for an instant gratification kind of kid. Growing things takes patience and nurturing and effort that doesn't always show results for months. Kind of like the habits we are building for our road to healthier selves. Those habits don't miraculously appear. As our quote for the day says, we can't just wet the clay and think that bricks will form themselves. No we have to mold that clay, and we have to form those bricks, and then we have to provide a safe place for those bricks to cure and harden before we can use them to build a road. Wet clay does not become a brick by merely wishing it so. I remember when I first started going to Weight Watcher meetings. There was a woman in my meetings who showed up every week, got on the scale, had a gain, and then whined for the rest of the meeting. Finally I asked her if she had talked to the leader and shown her journals to find out what she could change. OH no,she said, she didn't journal. I asked her how many days she went for a walk or got some exercise. Oh no, she said, she couldn't exercise.Well, do you drink your water? Oh no, she hates the taste of water. Finally I asked her what she was doing to try to lose weight, and she answered, well I joined Weight Watchers, isn't that enough. I hear you chuckling, it would be funny if it wasn't a true story. I guess no one had ever told this woman that you have to build your own bricks. I tried to share with her some of the things I do, and of course she had a reason, an excuse really, why she couldn't do any of those things. Of course, you know the rest of the story, in a few short weeks we didn't see her at meetings any more. It is sad, because with just a little brick building effort, we can see great results. It's not like we wet the clay and then have to be great sculptors. No, bricks are square, or rectangular, pretty basic shapes. So with a little effort we can build our bricks. That is our lesson for today...effort...a little boy whose mind works differently than ours, put an orange seed in a pot of dirt, and with a little effort on his part, watering, making sure it was getting the sun through the window, etc. I have an eight foot tall orange tree on my deck that I have to bring in for the winter.Just a little effort, that's all you need today. Not super human strength, not miraculous powers, just a little effort. Journal, or exercise, or pay attention to portion size, following the  healthy guidelines, drinking your water, finding time for yourself. Any one of those things requires just a little effort on your part, but that little effort will reap an eight foot tall tree in your future.It's worth the effort! YOU are worth the effort!

This is the Season of Light!

The quote for today is...

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.~~Albert Schweitzer~~

 This is why we must all learn that we are valuable, worthy individuals, women of immeasurable beauty. I am reminded of something that happened when I was still working at the grocery store. I had a young woman and her daughter, about 5 years old, come through my line. I was commenting on the fact that I saw kid food, and then I said I see healthy food, I bet Mom is eating healthy things. The little girl said "That's because she's fat." I looked at the little girl and said, "Mom's not fat, Mom is very beautiful, and you look a lot like her." The little girl said "Except I'm not fat." Even though we were very busy, I took a moment to look in the eyes of the mom, and said "You know that when you say things about your body, you are building your daughter's body image. Please know that you are a beautiful young woman, and if you choose to believe otherwise, you are wrong." I could see in the eyes of the Mom that she did not know that,that this beautiful woman who was not overweight, did not know that she was beautiful.I hope that she took in what I was trying to tell her. I hope that somehow she would learn that she has beauty and value so that she won't pass on the wrong message to her daughter. 

We all know people, women especially whose light has gone out. We may indeed be one of those who is in need of rekindling. We may have let someone teach us that we are not beautiful because they did not realize their own beauty.So today, choose your words carefully, speak aloud your beauty and worth. Speak it even if you don't believe it yet. Speak it until you believe it.The next generation of woman is listening and learning from you. When I was the same age as that little girl, I was blessed to have a teacher who taught me the truth, and who chose to kindle the flame in me. I am deeply grateful every day for that. I choose to keep my flame burning so that I may kindle another flame. This is how I honor the one who taught me.

Today I leave you with a traditional Navajo prayer...I open my meditations with this...

As I walk, as I walk
The universe is walking with me
In beauty it walks before me
In beauty it walks behind me
In beauty it walks below me
In beauty it walks above me
Beauty is on every side
As I walk, I walk with Beauty.

Peace and Blessings,

Esther Belle

Fear

The quote for today...

Become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid.~~Lady Bird Johnson~~

Fear can be our best friend or our worst enemy. There is a natural fear that keeps us safe in dangerous situations. It served our ancestors well. Big ugly animal looks our way, fear kicks in, our adrenal gland goes into action and we have the speed of an Olympic sprinter removing ourself from the danger zone. The fear response is a natural and necessary thing for our survival. However, for too many of us, fear has taken a place in our lives that it doesn't deserve, so that instead of that fear response kicking into action and giving us the strength to take action, we become paralyzed, and trapped in a place of inaction.We let fear become something that imprisons us, rather than help us. How many of us have allowed our weight issues to keep us from growing and maturing and reaching out for new opportunities. How many times have we stopped ourselves from trying something because we just "know" that we will be judged because of our size. How many of us settle for less in our lives because we think that our weight issues make us some type of second class citizen, undeserving of the best that life has to offer.

 None of those things are true. Overeating is not a character flaw, it is just overeating.

Are you staying in a bad job because you think it would be hard to find a better job, after all, you are overweight. Are you staying in a bad relationship because a bad relationship is better than no relationship and after all who would want you, you are overweight. None of these things are true, none of them. Weight issues should not keep you living in fear of trying for, reaching for the best life has to offer. Now, that is not to say that we shouldn't be learning to deal with our weight issues, but we must not put living on hold until we are some magical mythical size. If I had done that I would never have accomplished anything. Anything is possible. A 6 foot tall 300 pound 11 year old girl who is called a freak by the mothers of the other children in the neighborhood can dream of going to college, of becoming an actress,and can grow up to have a  career in the theatre and radio. These things, and a thousand other fabulous things were at my fingertips because I knew the difference between good natural fear and fear that is created by untruth.

Fear is the mind killer, so goes the mantra of the strong women in my favorite science fiction series.Do not let the dreams of your mind die because of fear. Get so wrapped up in taking care of you that you forget to be afraid.Get so wrapped up in learning to make the best choice you can in any situation that you forget to be afraid. Get so wrapped up in learning to forgive yourself when you make a less than great choice that your forget to be afraid. Fear that moves you to action is good, fear that keeps you from stepping out, is not good. Letting go of the fear is the best choice you can make today.

Peace and Blessings,
EstherBelle

The Angel in the Marble

Several years ago I started a daily thread on the Weight Watchers message boards. About that time, sitting on my desk was a daily quote calendar. So, I began a habit of using the quote as a springboard for a daily essay relating to life's struggles. My husband, Mr. Bill, began encouraging me to put my thoughts together in a book. When he was killed I had about half a book written. I started this blog, in part, to get back into the habit of writing so that I might be able to finish the book. Along the way,I will write new things, as well as share excerpts from the things I wrote before I lost Mr. Bill. This was his favorite piece...

 

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.~~Michelangelo~~

 

Sometimes I see a quote and I know it has to do with the journey that we are all on. That journey towards being healthier in body, mind and spirit. I saw this quote this morning and passed it by, then  Spirit told me to go back.So as I looked at these words I saw that this is exactly what our journey is all about. Just as Michelangelo could look at a hunk of marble and see the angel inside, we must learn to look at ourselves and see the incredible, beautiful, capable woman inside and care and chip away at all of the untruths and detritus that keeps her from being free. There is much to chip away. We can't learn to be our authentic selves until we learn that who we are has nothing to do with who we think others expect us to be. We must learn to recognize the 'angel' in our block of marble, and sometimes it takes us a while to recognize her, because she doesn't look like who society, or our parents, or our husbands, or our friends expect. She doesn't look like who we expect because we have gotten our truths all mixed up with the untruths that we need to chip away.  So as we travel this journey, we must learn to chip away at the expectations of others. We must learn to carve our truth out no matter what untruths we have to toss into the trash bin. Sometimes it will seem easier to leave our 'angel' in the block of marble. After all, chipping away the detritus we have learned may cause us pain, it may cause others pain as we move away from their picture of what we should be. But take my word for it, life is not pain free, and the pain of leaving her locked inside the block of marble is worse than any pain you can imagine. So today I ask you to choose to learn to see the 'angel' in your marble. Choose to starting carving and chipping away at the things that imprison her there, the things that imprison your spirit, the things that have held you captive all too long. Choose today to start or continue the process of setting you free.You are worth the effort it will take, you deserve to find the work of art that you truly are.

 

Peace and Blessings,

EstherBelle

 

Juggling

As we move from summer into fall, we are moving into a different rhythm of life. Those with school age children are getting into the juggling of schedules for school and homework and activities. It seems that life revolves around the children's world, and we just don't have enough hours in the day to get everyone where they need to be. Dance, tumbling, sports, parent teacher meetings, open houses take up our evenings. The mornings are a rush of getting everyone up and out the door, decent and fed and ready for the day. Those who work outside the home are off to the job, stay-at-home moms are working too.Now we add the holiday season! Seems as if the to-do list just grew exponentially, and the time, well that shrunk exponentially. It all revolves around the family. That family may be mom and dad and one or more children, or may be just mom and a child or two. No matter what the family looks like it is a family, and it is the sun that our planets revolve around.

So, there we are juggling as fast as we can to keep all of the balls in the air. Oh, wait, there is a ball sitting on the floor, not being tossed in the mix. Which ball is that? Oh, yeah, it's the ball that represents the time to care for ourselves. Well, that's just not as important, we think, all these other balls are higher priority. We're wrong of course. That ball sitting there on the floor should be our highest priority. Taking care of ourselves should be job one. BUT, we start, The kids, the husband, they have all of these needs. I just don't have time.

So, we keep juggling, and we get so tired, and we get kind of frustrated and resentful, and we get burned out. Oh, we sigh, what is the answer? The answer is that we need to pick up that ball from the floor first. We need to find time to take care of our needs, and as my son so eloquently says "Time to refresh your soul". But how? Well, just like every part of our journeys, it starts with one step. The first step is to find time to just breathe.Time to find a few minutes to sit still, and fill our lungs with the gift of the wind. It is time to find a place that is just for us. Doesn't have to be a big space, can be just a chair in the corner of the bedroom, or a place on the deck. Any place that we can claim for our needs. It needs to be quiet and comfortable. Place an item or two that please you next to the chair. I have a knick-knack that represents a mother sitting in a rocker. It was a gift from our son and Mr. Bill about 10 years ago. I have a worry stone that Mr. Bill bought me on our family honeymoon trip to the Black Hills. 

So, once we have claimed our space all we need is a bit of time. If we are claiming a few minutes at the end of the day, we might start by making a cup of tea. Use the time while heating the water and brewing the tea to start claiming the time as your own. Telling yourself that this time is sacred. This time is for you! Now you have your cup of tea, my favorite is chamomile, since it helps me relax and sleep better. I sit down with my cup of tea, and breathe. In through the nose, out through the mouth. As I breathe in slowly, deeply, I draw in strength. As I breathe out slowly and fully I let go of the stresses and tensions of the day. Breathe in strength, breathe out the toxins of stress. Now I can sip my tea for a moment and pay attention to my breathing again. Breathe in, breathe out. Each inhalation and exhalation can become a prayer. This is why I say for me to breathe is to pray. As I take a long slow deep breath, I breath in the wind, which is the Spirit, and allow Spirit to bless me and refresh my body and soul. As I breathe in I express my gratitude for the day. As I breathe out I pray a blessing for someone I love. All of this in a few minutes at the end of the day. A perfect building block, a brick to build on as you start to take care of you. Taking care of you is the most unselfish act you will perform because as you take care of you, you become more able to take care of the others who depend on you. You become a better wife, mother, daughter, friend, and you have placed a brick on the pathway for your journey.

Choose to Hope

The quote for today is...
There are no hopeless situations; there are only men who have grown hopeless about them.~~Clare Booth Luce

Now, the definition of hope as a noun includes-desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment, but turn hope into a verb, an action word and  that definition becomes-to cherish a desire with anticipation. So when do we slip from having hope, having a desire that we believe will be fulfilled, from cherishing that desire, to a place of hopelessness,having no expectation of good or success,incapable of solution, management, or accomplishment? I think we slip into that place when we forget that hope is an action word. When we forget that to have hope should include cherishing that desire enough to do the things that we need to do to bring about the outcomes that we are desiring. We let go of hoping when we start to believe the untrue things we hear from people around us, or replaying the old tapes in our heads that tell us we are not good enough, or worthy of accomplishing our dreams and desires. As Ms. Luce reminds us, there are no hopeless situations, only those of us who have given away our hopefulness.

 

Whatever you are dreaming of, be that working towards a healthier lifestyle, or going back to school, or letting go of a destructive habit, there is always hope. But you have to remember that hope is an action word, and that if you perform the action of hope, you will be taking the steps toward reaching the desires of your heart. Doesn't matter how big or small those steps are, it only matters that you continue to take those steps.Now some of those steps you will have to take over and over, but that's OK. Every step you take is a step away from where you used to be. If you have to take a step over, you are never taking that step from the same place you took it the first time. So, for today have hope. Have hope and take a step, any step toward making that hope a reality. The first step is to stop listening to anyone who tells you that you can't achieve the things you are hoping for. Stop believing that you do not deserve to hope for success. Stop believing that, especially if you are the one telling yourself that. Have hope, take a step, you deserve to cherish your desires, and if you don't no one else will.

 

Feed the Hunger

Today's quote...
There is a terrible hunger for love. We all experience that in our lives--the pain, the loneliness. We must have the courage to recognize it. The poor you may have right in your own family. Find them. Love them.
~~Mother Teresa~~

It is the day before Thanksgiving. Many of my friends are also members of Weight Watchers. In fact the WW message boards is where I met most of my closest friends.As we come up against the dreaded holiday season I want to talk about hunger.

 

Sounds a little crazy to address hunger the day before the biggest eating holiday of the year. In fact for many, food and football are all that count tomorrow. But it is a minefield for those of us with eating/weight issues. We can learn to deal with tomorrow in a healthy sensible way,planning ahead, making the best choices we can- or we can let tomorrow happen and start down a slippery slope that only ends in January with shame and guilt.

 

It is always about choices. I am a strange creature. When my life is stressful and i am dealing with so many crisis situations, it is sometimes easier for me to be in control of my eating. It feels very good to be in control of something.

 

I love the Mother Teresa quote. I find in my life the times I am most hungry, the hunger is very rarely for food. Have you identified what you are hungry for? It may very well not be food. Those of us with weight issues have long confused the hunger we feel, trying day after day to satisfy the hunger gnawing at us with food, and more food, and we are not successful because food is not the hunger we need to learn to deal with. Perhaps we need to learn to discern between the types of hunger that we are prone to feel. Is there a hunger for love? Is it learning to love and value our self that is creating the emptiness?

 

Is the lesson we need to learn about loving our selves, valuing our self, taking care of our body, our minds and our spirits so that the correct hunger is being fed in our lives with the correct nourishment? If we are confusing hunger for love and validation with hunger for food, no amount of overfeeding will assuage the hunger.

Learn to listen to your body, and your spirit. Discern what hunger needs fed. Are you physically hungry? Choose healthy, nutritious food to nourish your body. Make the best choices you can make. Is it emotional hunger? Choose to nourish your emotions by seeking out those who will love you enough to tell you how worthy you are. Is it spiritual hunger? Seek times to spend in prayer, meditation, praise and worship of your Higher Power.

Feed the hunger, but make sure you are feeding the right hunger with the right type of nourishment!!