This is a MOM brag

I have a son who is blessed with autism. He is also a BIG guy, all 6'7" of him.

Because of his autism, behavior issues are interesting to say the least. Unfortunately he is also my child, and inherited my weight issues.Getting him to eat better has been a challenge, not only does he have an autistic really picky palate, he has Crohn's disease.As his mom, I have to gently guide and steer and quite frankly just hope for the best most times.

So...this happened...

When we were out running errands I noticed he was having problems keeping his shorts up. Now, I have noticed he has lost weight-I've been working towards that- but it's not something I can actually directly discuss with him.

So, when we got home from our errands, he had both hands full as he tried to open the door to the building. One of those hands had been holding up his shorts, so his shorts fell down. Thank Goodness he had on good underwear (and no one else was outside) when he mooned the neighborhood.

Now, I have been aware that he had lost weight, I just didn't know how much weight he had lost--and in the grand scheme of things it wasn't important enough to talk him into getting on the scale, which is something he has an aversion to.

BUT, while I was tightening the elastic on his shorts, I-in my, I am not new at this mom of a person with autism stuff-coerced him into getting on the scale.

NOW, comes the Mom brag. Without putting him on a diet, without nagging, or discussing his weight, with modeling healthy eating and being open to discuss my own journey I have managed to help guide my son to healthier habits.

My son got on the scale...and even he was impressed...

He has lost 79 pounds in the last year and a half.

He is still a big guy, but like his mom he is no longer obese!!

I am in awe of him. One more reason why he is my hero!

Good Bye August

and quite frankly, good riddance. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Hello September, please realize that August was just a meanie that hung around way too long and kicked our butts and we would like you to be especially nice to make up for it.

September already? How did that happen? AND Labor Day is on the 1st this year, so not only is it already September, it is unofficially the end of summer. Good. Summer has been a bitch lately. In fact, it would not hurt my feelings if we just struck the last week of August from the calendar. It's a hard week, it's the week I buried my husband. This year it's the week a dear friend lost her mother and another dear one her mother-in-law.

It's the week I ran out of money and had to tell my son we couldn't buy groceries. But, he's a trouper, this is how part of the conversation went...

Me: It's hard the last week of the months some months. Sometimes it seems like it takes a while for the universe to provide.

Son: Did you tell the universe we have paypal?

Hey, you can get through anything when your kid makes you smile! I posted that on facebook -we call these snippets of conversation Williamisms-and I got to share with another friend who is also struggling with money issues. 

Being poor is hard work sometimes. No matter what anyone tells you (and I try to not pay attention) poor folks are not living like kings. We are managing as best we can, and we are scared to death most weeks that there will be an emergency. When something breaks, we learn to live without it. When the computer that is your lifeline to the outside world is on its last leg you hold your breath every day. When you lose 270 pounds, you just tighten the elastic and keep wearing the same old clothes. Because that is what poor people do. We just tighten our belts until there is no more space for new notches.

But, it's OK, because there are far more important things in life than things and there are always reasons to smile. My friend with money problems and I got to laugh with each other, because when I posted the Williamism, she shared her struggle. Her last week of August need. She  managed to scrounge up enough money to buy butter and toilet tissue. 

Of course, my  mind immediately smiled,and I got to laugh. Immediately wondering what recipe you could come up with for buttered toilet tissue! Then that reminded me of days working as a cashier and remembering other incongruous items that people bought together.Yes, your cashier might talk about you, but we aren't judging, we are smiling. Like the time the Mayor of our fair city came through my line one Friday afternoon and purchased a couple of bottles of wine and several packages of light bulbs. I admit I did ask what kind of party they were having at the Mayor's house.

So, even though we all struggle, there are always moments to share. The important things in life are always available. A son with a quip, a friend with a story you can smile at.

So, bring it on September. Even if we have to choose whether to buy groceries or pay bills, even if we have to lay hands on the computer and pray it keeps going, we will always be able to find something to make us smile.

"The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it.You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache."~~Marjorie Pay Hinckley.

So, welcome September! I am ready, I will greet you with a laugh and a smile.Be nice, because August just needed to leave, it's not nearly as lovely as you are.

Oh, and if you have a recipe for buttered toilet tissue...

Choices Have Consequences

Today is the anniversary of my husband's death.

My husband was killed by a drunk driver.

Quick, what picture did your mind flash when you read the words 'drunk driver'?

In our case the words 'drunk driver' mean a 22 year old girl. A lovely young woman with her entire life before her. Recently graduated from college, with honors. From all reports, she was a goal oriented, studious college student.She is very close to her family, she goes to church on Sunday. After her May graduation she went to work, as an accountant and moved into her own apartment.

After she got off work Friday night, she reportedly went out with some friends. Young people, enjoying themselves on a Friday night. Laughing, talking, drinking. Then she got into her car to drive home. Her blood alcohol level was around .118, well over the legal limit. In her intoxicated state she drove up a freeway off ramp, past the signs that said WRONG WAY and drove northbound in the southbound lanes for a couple of miles at freeway speeds until she hit my husband's car head on, killing him instantly I am told.

This is on my mind because my friends and I have children in this age group. Children that are stretching their wings. I remember reading somewhere about how a butterfly struggles to exit the cocoon. If we were to help the butterfly, the butterfly would not be able to fly and would die. It seems that the struggle to break free creates the strength necessary to fly. Those of us with growing children know the truth in this. We watch as our children struggle with the silken constraints, and we want so much to help them, but the most we can do is hope that we have taught them right from wrong, and that life is always about choice, and every choice has consequences. We watch our children stretch their wings, and hope they know that there is nothing they can do that will make us stop loving them. We hope they know that when we see them struggle, we will do our best to make sure they learn how to fly.

My husband and I were always very open with our son about our youthful struggles with drugs and alcohol. We felt that since genetics may play a role in addiction, we had a responsibility to tell him our stories. He knows about our 12 step programs, and why we attend. He knows that we celebrate 2 birthdays a year. In fact, he has been quite proud of our milestones over the years. He will tell you that we choose not to use alcohol at our house. He will tell you that we choose not to use illegal drugs at our house. He will tell you these things with pride in his voice, because he knows that in life there is always a choice, and every choice has consequences.

Being a parent is a hard job. We watch our children stretch their wings with such pride and fear. What if we see them struggling, when do we help, how do we help. Have we talked to them about the embarrassing stuff? Kids will groan when the subject turns to sex, drugs, alcohol. They will roll their eyes, but we must tell them anyway.

Do your children know your stories? Do they know that you were their age once, and that you made choices and lived with the consequences of those choices. Sometimes the consequences are benign. You are 22 years old and you choose to celebrate the end of the work week by going out with friends and laughing and talking and having a good time. Since you are choosing to have a drink, you need to have chosen whose turn it is to be the designated driver.

Sometimes the consequences are tragic, and you have too much too drink and you choose to drive drunk, and you drive up the off ramp past the WRONG WAY signs and you kill a man, and nothing is ever the same again.

Forgiveness

Today's quote...
Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.~~Mark Twain~~

Instantaneously in the moment of the crushing, the violet has forgiven and blessed the heel that crushed it. Wouldn't it be nice if we as human beings could come anywhere near that kind of forgiveness. How awesome if when we are hurt we just automatically extended forgiveness, and a blessing to the one that hurt us. It would keep us healed and whole and moving forward in our spiritual journey. In our weight loss journey, it would help us to immediately move from the less than healthy choice we might have made back to making healthy choices in the very next bite.let us take a lesson from the violet, let us release the beautiful fragrance of forgiveness and blessing whether the person that has hurt us is someone else, or our self!!

The dictionary says forgive is to give up resentment of or claim to requital for... to cease to feel resentment against.
I think that to forgive is to let go of any claims we have against the one who offended us. I think it is human nature to want to be the one who is right. To forgive means we let go of the need to be right, to let go of the need to prove our claim. To forgive means that we no longer expect to be compensated for our hurt or loss. AS in the forgiving of a debt, when we forgive our claim to compensation no longer exists.We no longer need to be right.By forgiving we choose to no longer live with the feelings brought on by the offense.We choose to no longer be weighed down by anger,or shame, or embarrassment. No more guilt or denial. You can choose to live in the moment and forgive in that moment.

I need these reminders, constantly that every day is a new day, a new opportunity. I forgive myself and let go of the regrets of the past, not projecting worries to the future, and  live in today, this moment, which is ripe with possibilities and opportunities to make the best choices I can make. Living in the moment, being present in the here and now helps us to let go of the things that would harden our heart or tire our tempers. Letting go, offering forgiveness frees us from the non productive emotions and allows us to keep our hearts tender towards ourselves and others. So, start by forgiving yourself, letting go of anything that would harden your heart, and accepting healing for yourself and extending it toward others. 

Peace and Blessings,

Courage

Today's quote...
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.~~Ambrose Redmoon
~~

We are each of us some of the most courageous people I know. We get up every day and judge that no matter what we may fear we have the mental or moral strength to venture out, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty- so we set forth on our day. What? you may be saying. I don't do that , I just get up and get ready for work, or to take care of my family. Well, when we choose to get up when the alarm goes off we are preparing to VENTURE forth into a new day.We have no idea what that day will bring, perhaps it will be a routine day, or perhaps we will stumble into a grand and glorious miracle or a difficult obstacle, and yet we Venture forth. 

Each of us has some challenge in our lives, and we never know what challenges the people we are interacting with through the day are dealing with, and yet we PERSEVERE in the face of those challenges. Whether we are dealing with health issues, mind issues, or spirit issues, we choose to go about our day and accomplish what needs to be accomplished we are persevering in the face of difficulty.

From the time we choose to put our foot on the floor and get out of bed, until we lay our heads down to sleep, there is always an element of danger in our lives; and yet, we put those thoughts behind us and WITHSTAND DANGER as we climb stairs, drive on the freeway, go through the kitchen without eating the brownies. We overcome our FEARS, navigate the DIFFICULTY in every day and go through our lives caring for our family, or work, our homes, our friends, ourselves. Ah, there is an issue, do we have the courage to care for ourself? We must, for when we CHOOSE to care for ourself, our courage grows and we are better able to care for all of those others.

WOW, what an incredible person of courage you are. Look in the mirror, you will see that not only are you beautiful, you are strong and courageous!! I am humbled by each of you!!

Peace and Blessings,

Step Away from The peaches

So, if you read my Father's Day post where I looked up the origin of the colloquialism "nuttier than a peach orchard boar." You will get it when I say, some folks seem to get in the peaches more often than is good for them.

Honestly, now that we can all be connected with strangers on the internet in facebook groups and on message boards it seems like the ones that have been in the peaches are getting more prevalent. Probably not, but in the old days we just didn't seem to run into them as often.

I've been using this quote a lot...

"Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted."~~Ralph Waldo Emerson


Now, I love social media. I don't get out of the house much, and the computer gives me the means to interact with people every day. In fact, the  computer has been to the repair shop recently, and we are hoping to be able to save up money to replace it as its days are definitely numbered. One of the main problems with being poor is not being able to replace things when they break. :(
 But, I digress.

Where did all the crazy people come from?

A weight loss group I belong to on facebook got a new member yesterday. She's a bit overeager, and apparently if you have a different opinion than her you are picking on her. She messaged me this morning to tell me that since she once weighed 500 pounds she was more of an expert on being overweight than the rest of the group. I messaged back that she wasn't more of an expert on being overweight, she was just an expert on her experience-that from what she wrote my experience of weighing 500 pounds was totally different than hers, but that's OK. Her response was "P*ss the f*ck off."

Seriously. Made me laugh, then made me sad.I belong to several different groups in order to get more than one viewpoint on a subject. Different opinions are just that, different, and I like thinking about things from different angles.

So, as one who depends on online communities, let me give some advice. I am not an expert on anything-just my opinion.

When you join a group or community, hang around a bit and get a feel for the way the community talks to each other. One of the boards I participate on is full of amazing wit, sarcasm, and tough love. Another is very spiritual. If i jumped in without seeing that it would probably not be conducive to becoming part of the community.

Don't complain about another community in this one. Honestly, it just makes you look petty and childish.

Participate. Sharing your experience of life is what community is all about. Common interests can be great fun. Holding yourself out as an expert however, doesn't usually end well. If my experience is different than yours that in no way invalidates yours.

Stop trying to impress. If you only join a community in order to impress people, you might need to look at why you feel the need for validation from complete strangers. In every community I participate in there are people from all walks of life. It may be difficult to impress a community that contains some very accomplished people. Usually there are posters from SAHM to CEO, teachers, retail clerks, doctors, lawyers-GED to PhD. That is one of the beauties of online communities. The opportunity to interact with a diverse group of people.

Don't engage. Once you have determined that you are dealing with someone who gets in the peaches, step away. Engaging will just take your time,and will unfortunately fuel their narcissistic personalities. You can't support or encourage them in anyway that won't fuel that, and that is sad because most of us who participate in online communities really do want to help.

Cyber friends are some of the best friends I have ever had. I have met many people via online communities. I am nurtured, supported, encouraged on a daily basis online.

But, every now and then I still have to step back and chuckle as I think "What the heck is wrong with you. Step away from the peaches!"

Peace and Blessings,




.

Things My Father Said

So, it's Father's Day and like most of us I'm sure my thoughts have been full of my father today.

My father was just on old Missouri farm boy. Born at the turn of the century-1903. Born a week after the Wright Brothers made their little flight at Kitty Hawk. Born of a different time and place.

So, I was reading something, and the person involved in the conversation is at the very least a rather strange person. So, having my father in my head I could hear him. "This one is nuttier than a peach orchard boar." Now, that is a colorful colloquialism, and I grew up hearing him say it,and while I knew what he meant by it-today, I went off in search of why that was a saying, because most sayings come from somewhere.

This one has several variations I learned on the internets. Crazy as a peach orchard boar, drunk as a peach orchard boar. It turns out that quite often farmers used pigs to help in the orchard. Pigs root, so pigs would be useful to help keep the ground around the trees from becoming compacted. Trees grow better. Pigs eat, so fruit that dropped to the ground would feed the pigs. Fruit that had been on the ground a while ferments and pigs who ate too many fermented fruits would behave in crazy, humorous ways. I knew what the phrase implied, I just don't think I ever knew why, and now I do.

My father was a soft spoken man, but he always got his point across. If you were someone he considered worthless, or someone who had perpetrated something he considered heinous he would say "That one should have been drowned as a pup."

If the weather was cold and raw-it was "Colder than a well digger's ass" , which made sense. But his "colder than a witches teat" I had to look up, and it is fascinating.
..there's some history behind this wisecrack. A witch's tit (or witch's teat, to use the older spelling) supposedly left a marking
that witch hunters and courts would look for on the body of an accused person. Supposedly, witches would suckle their
familiars, and sometimes the Devil himself, from this "unholy" body part. To find these marks, as well as insensitive spots on the
skin called devil's marks--caused by the Devil's claws or teeth--the suspects were stripped, shaven, then closely examined for
any blemishes, moles, or even scars that could be labeled as diabolical. To find marks invisible to the eye, the examiner would
poke the victim inch by inch with a blunt needle (called a bodkin) until they found a spot that didn't feel pain or bled. Discovery
of these marks or spots--one supposes they would be considered cold since they were a sign of communion with the
Devil--would be "proof" of the person's dealings with Scratch, so they would be shown in full court before the execution.

Now as I read this, it dawned on me, that had someone accused me of witchcraft a few hundred years ago, I would have been executed. I have a polyneuropathy in my legs, feet, and hands. The 'bodkin'  would have found lots of spots on me that could have been used in court.

So, happy Father's Day Papa, and thanks for the lessons. A day is never lost when you have the opportunity to learn something. Only people who die young learn all they need to know in kindergarten.

Peace and blessings,
EB